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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lawsuit, #against company, #truth, #usual engineering, #no one understands, #whistleblower, #sound the same

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The boss stands behind Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to testify in the lawsuit against our company." The boss says, "Tell the truth, but do it in your usual engineering way so that no one understands you." Dilbert says, "Actually, I've decidedd to be a whistle-blower." The boss says, "Whatever. It'll all sound the same!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analysis disagrees, #intuition, #modems, #satan, #misundertsood, #whats his face

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Dilbert stand in the boss office. The boss says, "Your analysis disagrees with my intuition." Dilbert says, "Your intuition also told you the internet would be replaced with modems... whatever that means." The boss says, "I'm misunderstood, just like... um.. what's his face." Dilert says, "Satan?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #all the copies, #bestseller, #house as colleral, #dump, #pay back, #dogbert gets loan

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Caption: "Dogbert gets a loan" Dogbert sits across the desk from a bank executive. Dogbert wags his tail and says, "I plan to buy all the copies of hte book I authored, thus making it a bestseller." Dogbert says, "And I'd like to use your house as collateral. Unless it's a dump." The banker says, "How are you planning to pay us back?" dogbert says, "Do you take books?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert in hollywood, #book into movie, #keep real, #normal people, #watch movies

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Caption: "Dogbert in Hollywood" Dogbert sits at a restaurant table across from a naked movie executive wearing a goatee, glasses and boxer shorts on his head. The mogul says, "I'd like to turn your book into a movie." The executive says, "We have to keep it real, so any normal person can relate to it." Dogbert says, "do you know any normal people?" The movie man says, "No, but I'm willing to watch movies to learn about them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buy island nation, #sell a kit, #conquermoppress, #indigent people, #buy rhode island, #evil tyrant

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a table. Dogbert reads a magazine entiteled "Islands", dilbert drinks coffee. Dogbert wags his tail and says, "did you know you can but your own island nation?" Dogbert says, "They even sell a kit that helps you conquer and oppress the indigent people!" Dogbert wags his tail and says on the phone, "I'd liike to buy Rhode Island... and one "evil tyrant" conquest kit." Person on the phone says, "Would you like a flag with that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #feel sick, #crying or punching, #bad case, #mahjobis crappus

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Alice sits in a doctor's office. Alice says, "I feel sick every morning." Alice says, "All day long, I feel like either crying or punching people." The doctor says, "You've got a bad case of mahjobis crappus."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gigantic product document, #destroyed, #freak accident, #thomas edison work

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Asok, Wally and Dilbert stare at a large book. Dilbert says, "One of us will have to read this gigantic product requirements document." Wally says, "Unless it gets destroyed in a freak accident." Wally says, "I have some oily rags in mu cube." Asok thinks, "It's like watching Thomas Edison work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #little stubborn guy, #dumb guy, #take over, #fulfill

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BIG: Id like you to meet the little stubborn dumb guy, Dumb: : If for any reason I cannot fulfill my duty to thwart your project, The LSDG will take over for me. Dumb: No, I won't . Big: Yes you will!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #promote, #from within, #yanking your chain, #hiring from outside, #you're so smart

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Caption:"Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert sits at a desk across from Asok. Catbert says, "We like to promote from within the company Asok." Catbert says, "But what we like even more is yanking your chain and the hiring from outside!" Catbert say, "Explain why you work here if you're so smart." Asok says, "I'm timid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #Catbert, #sick days, #unusual reasons, #imagined to be fly, #hair, #crazy reasons, #made up reason, #fake excuses

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CAption: "CAtbert: Evil H.R. Director" CAtbert says, "Wally, you've taken sick days for unusual reasons." Catbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "For example, one day you got sick because you "...accidently imagined what ir would be like if you were a fly." Catbert says, "And today it's your hair?" Wally says, "I lathered and rinsed but I don't remember repeating."