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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Wally approaches. Dilbert asks, "How do you like sitting in for The Boss?" Wally responds, "It's easy." Wally continues, "All I do is walk around and make people loathe me while I avoid making decisions." Dilbert says, "That's all you ever did before." Wally replies, "Apparently, I was grossly underpaid."
The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "Ha ha! We're filing for chapter 11 because all of our so-called profits are fake." The Boss continues, "I'm laughing because I sold all of my stock the same day I heard that our CFO did." Alice shuts her eyes and clenches her teeth in anger. Alice stands up and yells, " You said he was just diversifying his investments!" The Boss responds, " It sounds funny now."
A coworker is sitting at his computer. Dilbert asks him, "Did you finish the vendor comparison that you promised you'd give me today?" The coworker mutters, "No." The coworker says, "I'm one of those people that needs to be threatened every day or I won't do anything." Dilbert says, "You're very defective." The coworker responds, "Good start. I'm beginning to feel something."
An employee asks Carol, "May I use your three-hole punch?" Carol waves her hand and exclaims, "Whoa Whoa Whoa!" Carol says, "You can't come waltzing into this department, using our stuff and leaving your holes." The employee says, "I'll clean up the holes." Carol hands him a piece of paper, "I want you to whack the people on this list."
Wally says to The Boss and Dilbert, "My morale sky-rocketed when I received my first-ever item of bulk mail." Wally continues, "I have designated it 'WM1' for 'Wally's Mail One' and it shall remain forever unopened. The Boss says, "Bulk mail is the same as junk mail." Wally says to the letter, "Don't listen to his lies, WM1."
Dilbert says to a coworker, "And I need a code for charging my project's expenses." The coworker says, "No. I hate your project." Dilbert responds, "It doesn't matter if you hate it. You're just the guy who assigns codes." The coworker motions to the door and says, "Get out of here." Dilbert asks, "Why is everything in this company so freakin' hard?" The coworker replies, "Because of people like you."
Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Today I realized I hate everyone in the entire world." Dilbert continues, "I used to think I might like some people I hadn't met. But now I think they're weasels too." Dogbert asks, "How about a wide-eyed and innocent child who loves you unconditionally?" Dilbert responds, "Tiny weasels."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Tina approaches and says, "I'm signing up people for the mandatory mouse training club." Tina continues, "I see you're using a Western grip. That's just begging for carpal tunnel." Tina grabs Dilbert's wrist and says, "Weak muscles... I'll put you in the two- handed mouse class." Dilbert responds, "Ouch."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "If we can put a man on the moon, we can build a computer made entirely of recycled paper." Dilbert responds, "Your flawed analogy only shows that other people can do other things." The Boss says, "Maybe you should call other people and ask how they do it." Dilbert responds, "Maybe they use good analogies."
Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert introduces a weasel to The Boss, "I hired a weasel to teach you how to answer media questions." The weasel says, "No matter what the reporters ask, always give the same answer 'It will be good for stockholders.'" The Boss is answering media questions. A reporter asks, "Is it true that you ran over a stockholder in the parking lot?" The Boss responds, "It'll be good for him."