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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #absence, #mother, #nature, #absence dog, #cloned, #sick, #woman, #employee, #leave of absence

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Dilbert sits at his desk. A woman says, "Dilbert, I need to fill out an absence report for the days you missed work." Dilbert replies, "Well, Mother Nature got mad and had wild deer kill me. But my garbage man and my dog cloned me back to life." The woman says, "I'll put 'sick.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #woman, #loaves, #bread, #dough, #grocery store, #jimmy, #toaster, #bonded, #post pardom

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Dogbert sits on a park bench with a woman holding a baby. Dogbert asks, "Why are you hugging that loaf of French bread?" The woman replies, "Hee hee! Yeah, newborn babies do look like loaves of bread." Dogbert says, "But in this case I think your baby IS a loaf of French bread." The woman looks closely at the blanket and says, "That would explain the smell of dough." The woman takes the bread out of the blanket. She says, "Must have been a mix-up at the grocery store." The woman says, "I hope this doesn't mean somebody is sticking little Jimmy in a toaster somewhere." Dogbert replies, "I'm sure he'll pop up." The baby pops out of a shopping bag. The woman says, "Ah, there you are in the grocery bag." The woman says, "I think I bonded with the bread." Dogbert says, "Remind me not to eat hoagies at your house."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #pile, #mail, #resident, #ahh, #therefore, #mailbox, #existence, #existential

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Dilbert takes the mail out of the mailbox and thinks, "Ooh! Nice pile of mail today!" Dilbert looks through the mail and thinks, "Resident . . . Resident . . . Resident . . . Ahh, Dilbert." Dilbert thinks, "I get mail; therefore I am."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 1990's comic on:


Tags #mr. tidy, #punk, #experienced, #stealing, #homes, #area, #extra, #van, #nicer

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Dilbert asks the cleaning man, "And your name is . . . ?" The man replies, "Call me Mr. Tidy." Dilbert says, "The agency says you're experienced." The man replies, "Yeah, I've cleaned out some of the nicer homes in this area." The man continues, "The best thing here is to load your possessions into my van and I'll clean 'em at my place." Dilbert asks, "Will that cost me extra?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #light, #reaching, #earth, #comfortable, #misconception, #miracle, #science

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a stone wall looking at the stars. Dogbert says, "No matter how bad the day is, the stars are always there." Dilbert says, "Actually, many of them burned out years ago, but their light is just now reaching earth." Dogbert says, "Thank you for shattering my comfortable misconception." Dilbert says, "It's the miracle of science."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #Dogs, #neighbor, #global warming, #acid rain, #mad dog, #national debt, #carnivore, #ozone, #garbage, #crisis

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the paper. Dogbert says, "I'm bored. I'm going to scare strangers." Dilbert replies, "Enjoy." Dogbert walks out of the house thinking, "Luckily, lots of people are afraid of dogs." Dogbert stands on the sidewalk and says to a passer by, "Hey mister, I've got rabies!!" The man replies, "I'm only afraid of global warming." Dogbert stands in front of a woman and shouts, "Pit bull! Pit bull!" The woman says, "Save it . . . I'm only afraid of acid rain." Dogbert shouts at a man, "Mad dog! Mad dog!" The man says, "Sorry, I only fear the national debt." Dogbert shouts at a boy carrying a skateboard, "Wild carnivore!" The boy replies, "Chill out, dog dude. I'm only scared of the hole in the ozone layer." Another man says, ". . . Garbage crisis." Dogbert says, "People scare me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #car, #oaf, #court, #circus contortionist, #accident

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Dilbert's car taps the car behind it. Dilbert says, "Oh, carp . . . I'd better see if I dented it." Dilbert leans into the car and tells the driver, "Your bumper doesn't appear to be . . . Uh-oh." The driver's legs and arms are contorted. He shouts at Dilbert, "Look what you've done to me, you oaf!!" The man hops out of the car and shouts, "I'll see you in court!!" The driver sits in the witness stand and tells the judge, ". . . And now I'll never be able to work again." The lawyer asks, "What kind of work did you do?" The man replies, "Well, uh . . . Er . . . Um . . ." The man answers, "Circus contortionist." The man adds, "As far as the settlement goes, I can be flexible."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 1990's comic on:


Tags #senator, #axxe, #embracing, #elected, #opera, #boycott, #chair, #Dogbert

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Senator Newt Axxes' Office. Senator Axxe: Mister Dogbert makes a strong argument for banning opera. Man: The polls show that almost nobody cares about this issue... There's virtually no political risk in embracing it! Senator Axxe: Until they scrape your festering corpse out of that chair!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #meat, #loaf, #johnson, #april, #form, #somebody, #dentures

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Dilbert and the Boss stand in the lab. The Boss asks, "Are you telling me that your automatic denture invention mistook Johnson for a meat loaf?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah . . . Last April. I guess I should have told somebody." The Boss covers his face with his hands. Dilbert asks, "Is there a form I need to fill out?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #kiss, #question, #gracefully, #blind dating, #love, #dog, #animal behavior

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Judy, a dog in a dress, says to Dilbert, "I guess a good night kiss is out of the question." Dilbert throws a stick and says, "Fetch!" Judy turns to follow the stick. Dilbert leans against the door and says, "That ended more gracefully than most of my dates."