Levels Performance Comic Strips - Page 9
191 Results for Levels Performance
View 81 - 90 results for levels performance comic strips. Discover the best "Levels Performance" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share July 10, 2000's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Write a performance evaluation for yourself." The Boss continues, "Shoot for about 3% raise...because that's what you're getting." Dilbert's computer states, "Dilbert's inventions will earn a billion dollars. But we think he steals almost as much."
Share October 05, 2000's comic on:
The boss is at a table flanked by Dilbert and Wally. The boss says, "My philosophy is: measure twice.." The boss continues, "Then cut twice, then uh..." Wally says, "Give the tape measure a bad performance review?" Dilbert giggles, "Hee hee!..Ooh."
Share October 07, 2000's comic on:
Alice is sitting in front of the bosses desk. The boss says, "Lastly, what have you done to improve the morale of your co-workers?" Alice says, "I didn't give them the beatings they so richly deserved." The boss, writing, says, "I'll shorten that to 'team player'?"
Share December 12, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert asks The Boss, "Is that what you wanted?" The Boss answers, "I'm not saying." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If I tell you it's good, you'll rub it in my face at your performance review." Dilbert says, "I'm sorry." The Boss says, "See how you are?"
Share March 25, 2001's comic on:
The Boss says, "Tina, I have to give you a performance rating of 'Poor' because you did no work this year." Tina exclaims, "No work?" Tina says, "I wrote hundreds of technical documents this year!" Tina continues to The Boss, "I worked seventy hours a week!" Tina continues, "I e-mailed every one of the documents to you..." Tina continues, "... With instructions to forward them with your approval to the end users." The Boss says, "That reminds me: I don't know how to open attachments." Tina says to Dilbert, "Why didn't you tell me you never got my documents?" Dilbert asks, "Who are you?"
Share May 13, 2001's comic on:
Carol sits across from the Boss, who says, "Carol, your overall performance rating is 'good.'" Carol screams, "AAAG! Good is bad! What did I do to deserve this humiliation?" The Boss replies, "Well, you gave me six hundred phone messages that said, 'It might have been Bob.'" Carol furiously replies, "You can't tell me that none of them were from a Bob." The Boss continues, "You arranged for all of my flights to have connections in war zones." Carol throws up her arms and says, "Excuse me for trying to save the company some money." The Boss says, "You held a press conference to announce that I was the Parkside Strangler." Later, Carol tells Wally, "And he refuses to take any responsibility for giving me vague objectives."
Share August 13, 2001's comic on:
Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert says, "Bob was working for you when he died. The family wants you to say something at his funeral." The Boss replies, "I barely knew him. Maybe I can read something from his last performance review." The Boss is standing at a podium at the funeral. He says in his speech, "Bob needs to work on his communication skills.. and attendance."
Share August 17, 2001's comic on:
Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert reports, "The average performance evaluation for your group is too high." The Boss asks, "Do you want me to lower their ratings or their actual performance?" Catbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss is standing behind him with one arm reached out towards the back of Dilbert's head. Dilbert says, "This is starting to affect my performance." The Boss replies, "Why? I'm not touching you."
Share August 27, 2001's comic on:
Alice enters The Boss' office and says, "My performance exceeds expectations but my pay is based on market averages." Alice continues, "I figure some underachievers are getting the extra money that I earn." Alice continues, "Give me their names so I can go get my money." The Boss replies, "It's Wally."
Share October 21, 2001's comic on:
Catbert is standing in the doorway of The Boss' office. Catbert says, "Bad news." Catbert continues, "The employees figured out that they won't get raises next year because profits are in the dumps." The Boss gasps. Catbert's voice continues, "And they're being rational about it." Asok says to Wally, "We are free from the tyranny of having to work hard for raises." Wally exclaims, "Ooh-yah!" Wally continues, "But there's a delicate balance because we don't want to be down-sized." Wally continues, "I figure we can either have bad attitudes or bad performance but not both." Asok says, "I think I'll try having a bad attitude." Wally replies, "'I'm a bad performance man myself." Wally and Asok are sitting in The Boss' office. Wally says, "I just realized that my entire job can be done by guessing." Asok says, "Hey, dip-weed."