Cameras Record Employees Comic Strips - Page 9

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543 Results for Cameras Record Employees

View 81 - 90 results for cameras record employees comic strips. Discover the best "Cameras Record Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert

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Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #punishment, #cat, #throwing, #executives, #animals

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CEO: I love having a football-sized evil director of Human Resources. Now I can delegate from a distance. Catbert: I sense disgruntled employees in that direction! Launch! CEO: You'll have to walk after the first ten feet.

Ten Things We Look For In Employees

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Ten Things We Look For In Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #qualifications, #interview, #job interview, #outsmart

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Boss: We look for ten qualities when we hire. Man: Ten? I'm looking for an employer who knows how to set priorities. Boss: He was too good for us.

Only Masochist Would Live Here

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Only Masochist Would Live Here - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #jobs, #talent, #masochist, #masochism, #expectations, #work ethic, #work environment

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CEO: Here's my list of the ten qualities I want in all new employees. Catbert: A person with all of these qualities would also need to be a masochist to work here. CEO: Write that in.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2015's comic on:


Tags #flirting, #romance, #privacy, #stalking, #creepy, #creeper, #gestures, #gifts, #coworkers

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The New Employee. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. I bought you a book. Woman: Okay, weird. Who buys gifts for new co-workers? And how did you know this is my favorite author? Dilbert: I asked one of the network guys to check your browser history. Catbert assured me that employees have no right to privacy. I heard that women like it when men put thought into a gift. I hope you appreciate my romantic gesture. Wally: Did she make a romantic gesture back? Dilbert: I choose to interpret it that way.

Embellishing Resume At Work

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Embellishing Resume At Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2015's comic on:


Tags #leadership, #self-promotion, #embellishment, #managers

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Boss: One of my employees keeps embellishing his accomplishments. CEO: If he works in engineering, fire him. If he works in marketing, promote him. Boss: He doesn't work at all. CEO: Sounds like you have a leader on your hands.

Embellishing Resumes

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Embellishing Resumes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #resume, #lying, #deception, #accomplishments, #management, #success

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Catbert: I discovered that one of your employees embellished on his resume. Boss: That's outrageous! Fire him for lying to me! Catbert: I'm talking about the version he updated today. It says he accomplished things while working for you. Boss: That doesn't sound right.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ceos, #executives, #leadership, #threat, #internet, #ruin journalist, #off the record, #reporters, #bar conversation, #negative article, #criminally insane, #brillaunet writer, #venn diagram, #technology

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Dilbert: There's a bad story about you on the Internet. Apparently, you described a plan to "ruin any journalist who writes an unfair story" about us. CEO: That was off the record! Dilbert: You said it in front of a dozen reporters at a business event. CEO: It was just bar conversation. I was making a point about fairness. Dilbert: Hmmm... but now no sane writer would write a negative article about us. I can't tell if you're a brilliant leader or criminally insane. CEO: I'd show you the Venn diagram they gave us in CEO school, but it just looks like a circle.

13 Percent Employees Engaged

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13 Percent Employees Engaged - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2015's comic on:


Tags #employee, #employees, #engagement, #motivation, #global survey, #engaged at work, #business

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Boss: A global survey says only 13% of employees feel engaged at work. Dilbert: If you're wondering which one of your employees is engaged, it's this guy. Boss: We need ten more just like him. Dilbert: I think I just figured out what's wrong with the rest of us.

Fierce Employees Wanted

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Fierce Employees Wanted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2015's comic on:


Tags #anger, #confusion, #ferocity, #fierce, #hiring, #interview, #job application, #job interview

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Boss: We're looking for employees who are fierce! Applicant: Should I punch you or something? I don't know how to play this. Boss: Try acting normal, but angrier.

Super Pumpedness

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Super Pumpedness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ceos, #jargon, #nausea, #super pumpedness, #bag, #vomit

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CEO: The quality we look for in our employees is "super pumpedness." Alice: Blechhhh!!! I told you to bring a bag.