Fire You Comic Strips - Page 9

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195 Results for Fire You

View 81 - 90 results for fire you comic strips. Discover the best "Fire You" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #failed to accomplish.objectives, #physical impossiblities, #logical impossibilities, #unforeseen problems, #spying, #consumer fraud, #win converstaion

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The Boss says, "Why have you failed to accomplish any of your objectives this quarter?" Dilbert says, "Well, I took the objectives you gave me and put them into three categories." Dilbert says, "The first group includes physical impossibilities, such as being in two places at the same time." Dilbert says, "The second group includes logical impossibilities, such as anticipating unforeseen problems." Dilbert says, "Last, we have the illegal objectives, including industrial spying and consumer fraud." Dilbert says, "So I spend my time doing things that are both important and legal, while hoping you wouldn't fire me for it." Dilbert says, "Whoa, what just happened? Is it my imagination, or did I just win this conversation?" Dilbert says, "It was my imagination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2008's comic on:


Tags #approval policy, #coffee supplies, #disobedience, #fire, #hatred, #new informational services, #effigies

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Man: I realize you don't like the new information services approval policy. But I would appreciate it if you didn't build effigies of me out of coffee supplies." "Seriously. It's creeping me out." Alice: Heh heh heh!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #explanation for working, #malicious, #prove stupid, #unemployment benefits, #working

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Catbert: Wally, I have to fire you for posting a comic comparing managers to drunken lemurs. You won't be eligible for unemployment benefits unless you can prove you were stupid as opposed to malicious. Can you prove you're stupid? Wally: Is thereanother explanation for working here?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss, #distraction, #meeting, #move, #office, #phone ring, #rug catch fire, #business

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Dilbert: I'm here to go through the motions of trying to ask you a question. But we both know your phone will ring, or you'll be late for a meeting, or the carpet will catch on fire before I ask the question. It's a short question, so get ready to make your move."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input

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The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2007's comic on:


Tags #old job, #better than here, #great company, #fired, #quit, #moron

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"At my old job, we did everything better than we do it here." Alice: "They sound like a great company. It's no wonder they fired you." "They didn't fire me. I quit to come work here." Alice: "So, your point is that you're a moron?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #fired, #incompetent, #everything, #teach dilbert, #how to do your job

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The Boss: "Carl, I have to fire you." "You're totally incompetent at everything you do." "Before you go, I'd like you to teach Dilbert how to do your job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2007's comic on:


Tags #elbonian divison, #do any work, #every minute, #hidden cameras, #randomly fire, #evil, #buttocks tingle

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The Boss: My Elbonian division won't do any work unless someone is watching them every minute. Catbert: "Tell them you have hidden cameras." "Then randomly fire one Elbonian per week." The Boss: "Hee-hee! Evil makes my buttocks tingle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2007's comic on:


Tags #strategic asset, #market share, #fire yourself, #accountabilty

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The Boss: Human resources is a company's most important strategic asset. "That means it's your fault we're losing market share. Maybe you should fire yourself." "Strategic assets don't like accountability."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2007's comic on:


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You can't have a side job of drawing a comic strip about the workplace. "I should fire you for mocking the management of this company in newspapers." "Because then I'd mock you less?"