Search Results for "give up features"
Share March 28, 2012's comic on:
Wally: Give me a raise or else I'll get married and have children. My new family would increase your benefit expenses and distract me from my laser-like focus on work. Boss: I will gladly pay extra to prevent you from procreating. Wally: Word it any way you like.
Share April 07, 2012's comic on:
Wally: IF you agree to give me no work, I will agree to not sue you with some sort of bogus employee claim. My existence will make your empire seem larger, and stockholders will get stuck with the bill for my paycheck. Boss: Why does that seem like a fair plan? Wally: We live in an awful world.
Share May 01, 2012's comic on:
Tina: Those must be the Google glasses that give you information about your environment. Dilbert: Yes, and I see seventeen reasons to not be your friend. I'll sweep your dumb tweets off to the side. Tina: This is unsettling.
Share May 07, 2012's comic on:
Dilbert: We interviewed hundreds of users and turned all of their suggestions into features. As it turns out, every user we talked to was an idiot, and their dumb suggestions ruined our product. In hindsight, we probably should have talked to people who work outside this building.
Share April 28, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert stand at a store counter. The clerk asks Dogbert, "And what can I get for you little fellow?" Dogbert looks up at the salesclerk and yells, "I want it all!! Ha ha! Give me mouthwash, gum, deodorant, lipstick, Krazy glue, Rolaids and . . . And . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert walk out carrying full bags. Dogbert says, "I panicked."
Share April 29, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert says, "You know what I just realized, Dogbert?" Dilbert continues, "The little hairs on the back of my hand - they never get any longer." Dogbert says, "Before I respond, just give me a moment to bask in the radiance of your wisdom."
Share May 02, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert says to Phil the Ruler of Heck, "Gosh, I thought 'Heck' was just a figure of speech." Phil replies, "Yeah. A lot of people think they can get away with minor infractions." Phil says, "According to my records, last month you deliberately asked for THREE little ketchups at McDonald's when you KNEW you only needed TWO." Dilbert says, "I knew that would come back to haunt me. Look, I still have the extra one. I'll give it back!" Phil shakes his spoon at Dilbert and says, "Shame shame . . ."
Share June 05, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "Look, Dogbert, give me one good reason why I shouldn't sign up for sky diving lessons." Dogbert replies, "Thud . . ." Dilbert says, "You mean 'thud . . . ouch!' or just 'thud?'"
Share June 15, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert look at a holograph of a flower bouquet. Dilbert says, "The big advantage of my holographic flower invention is that you get infinite simulated bouquets." Dilbert continues, "You can give it to a girlfriend and program it to change on all special occasions." Dilbert says, "Just think of the money you can save over a relationship." Dogbert asks, "By never having a second date?"
Share July 29, 1989's comic on:
Dogbert stands in the door of Dilbert's bedroom. Dilbert sits up in bed as Dogbert says, "I'm having nightmares, move over." Dilbert lets Dogbert climb into bed and says, "Just don't hog all the covers." Dilbert stands next to the bed and says, "At least give me my pajama top . . ." All of the covers, sheets and pillows are wrapped around Dogbert who says, "Shhh . . ."