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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2006's comic on:


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"Thanks to coffee, I can levitate objects with my mind." "Bring...the mouse...Bring the...mouse." "It's not perfect yet." "No problem. I appreciate the attention."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I worry that all of my wisdom is derived from bad analogies." "Ratbert, sometimes a good wine has to age before it is perfect." "So...I'll get smarter over time?" "To the extent that you are like a grape."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #criticism, #performance review, #trap is set

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Performance Review Dilbert: What do you mean by "doesn't take criticism well?" Boss: This is a perfect example. I say one little thing and you go all nuts on me. And the trap is set.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2013's comic on:


Tags #models, #out of stiock, #credibility, #bait and switch, #tactics, #sales, #technology, #computer, #tablets, #business

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Our model XR35 is the only one that will work in your situation. The other models would be nightmares. Dilbert: Okay, we'll take the XR35. Ted: Opps it appears we are out of stock. Dilbert: This is the part where your credibility comes into question. Ted: Have you looked at ethics's XP9? I think it would be perfect.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2008's comic on:


Tags #renounced addcition, #internet, #giving advice, #wifi booster, #signal booster, #technology

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Ratbert: You'd be happier if you renounced your addiction to the internet and lived for the moment. Dilbert: Are you referring to the moment when there's a rat on my bed giving me bad advice? RatBert: How about now?" Dilbert: Perfect. Don't chew on the wi-fi signal booster.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2008's comic on:


Tags #rumor control, #paid per rumor, #terrorit training campo, #exotic dancer, #weekends

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Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Rumor Control Service." Dogbert says, "People are saying Ted is an exotic male dancer on weekends. I know it isn't true because he spends all of his free time in a terrorist training camp." Alice says, "Isn't that worse?" Dogbert says, "I get paid per rumor. It's not a perfect system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #out of coffee, #false sense, #urgency, #stress, #project, #finish project, #aftrenoon

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Dilbert says, "We're out of coffee." Dilbert says, "Can you give me a false sense of urgency and some unnecessary stress to compensate?" The Boss says, "Finish your project before our CEO stops by on Tuesday." Dilbert says, "Perfect. I'll see you this afternoon for a second cup."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2010's comic on:


Tags #save money, #retire, #name, #swear, #curse, #point

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Wally says, "I finally saved enough money to retire anytime I want." Wally says, "Someone should invent a witty name for that amount of money." The Boss says, "$%@# *@U" Wally says, "Perfect! Can I use that?"

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Share June 09, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #explaining, #angry, #confronting, #annoyed, #business

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The boss says, "Last week I attended the circle of excellence conference for managers." Alice says, "So, while we were doing actual work, you sat in a circle with a bunch of managers?" The boss says, "It wasn't like that." Alice says, "Oh, I think it was."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2009's comic on:


Tags #reading, #response, #customer service, #ridiculous, #ridicule, #stupidity

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Tina says, "Can you review my letter to this customer who complained?" Dilbert says, "'Tell the spiders living in your skull that we'll look into it.'" Tina says, "Good writing should never be predictable." Dilbert says, "Then it's perfect."