Win Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

93 Results for Win

View 81 - 90 results for Win comic strips. Discover the best "Win" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.

Dilbert Characters

Picking The Spaceship Staff

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Picking The Spaceship Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #space flight, #rocket, #death, #sacrifice, #astronaut, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: How's the Mars spaceship project going? Boss: Good. I picked our worst employees to be on the first test flight, just in case it explodes. CEO: Good thinking. Boss: We have two ways to win and no way to lose.

Winning The Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Winning The Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #game, #cruelty, #insult, #criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Meetings used to be frustrating and boring until I gamified that situation. Now I try to win meetings by criticizing co-workers offering no ideas of my own, and leaving without any new task. Dilbert: You call that winning? Wally: Compared to my victims, yes.

Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #trick, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.

Arguing On Twitter With Facts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Arguing On Twitter With Facts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trolling, #troll, #social media, #argument, #logic, #reason, #arguing, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Watch me win this debate on Twitter by providing facts and logic. Now we wait for everyone in the world to change their minds. Dilbert: How's the first minute going? Boss: What is wrong with these monsters?!!

Boss Loses Wife And Money

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Loses Wife And Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #role model, #aspiration, #gambler, #gambling, #money, #Win, #Lose, #success, #quitter

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: It's not easy being a professional gambler. I lost a million dollars and my wife in one week. But I don't want to be a quitter because I know you see me as a role model. Carol: My role model is your wife. Boss: You like quitters?

Boss Hits Jackpot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Hits Jackpot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gambling, #Win, #loss, #money, #obliviousness, #jackpot

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My side job as a professional gambler is going great. I won a $5,000 jackpot this weekend. Dilbert: How much did you lose? Boss: About $700,000 and my wife. Wally: Didn't you tell her about the $5,000?

Never Give Reasons

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Never Give Reasons - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #debates, #internet, #Opinion, #social media, #idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the Internet Debate Coach Dogbert: Never give reasons for your opinions. That only gives your opponent fodder for proving you're an idiot. Asok: Then how can I win a debate on social media? Dogbert: No one knows. It has never been done.

Winners Never Quit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Winners Never Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #inspirational quotes

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time. the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win." dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay. the boss: these work better when you don't think about them.

Circular Debating

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Circular Debating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #debates, #frustration, #moon, #conspiracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Thanks to my new circular debating technique. I haven't lost a debate in weeks. Watch this. The moon landing was a hoax. Man: No, it wasn't. Wally: The flag was moving in the wind. Man: I'll send you a link debunking the flag thing. Wally: Okay, but how do you explain the multiple light sources? Man: Here's another link debunking that claim. Fifteen minutes later Man: I have now debunked all ten of your ridiculous claims will you agree the moon landing was real? Wally: How do you explain the flag moving? Man: Gaaaa!!! I give up!! You win!!!