Good Batch Comic Strips - Page 9

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #measurable objective, #technical writer, #measure good writing, #number of words, #compare projects to wood, #dogmatic babbling manager, #cognitive surrender

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The Boss sits at his desk. He says, "Tina, we need to set measurable objectives for you." Tina responds, "I'm a technical writer. How can you measure good writing?" The Boss says, "Everything is measurable is you try hard enough." Tina asks, "Is that your well-measured opinion?" She continues, "Or is it the dogmatic babbling of a manager in total cognitive surrender?" The Boss comes back with, "For example, we could measure the number of words you type." He adds, "We'll have to subtract words you delete. That way we won't motivate the wrong behavior." Tina is now at her desk, typing. She has written, "In this edition of Tina's hourly newsletter, I compare our projects to various types of wood."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #venture capitalists, #web based, #business, #engineer, #cool ponytail, #good enough, #money, #suitcase full, #engineering

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Wally stands in front of his cubicle with his hair in a ponytail. Two men in suits walk up to him. The dark haired man says, "Wally we're venture capitalists. We want to invest in your web-based business." Wally says, "I don't own a web-based business. I'm just an engineer with a cool ponytail." Man 1 says, "That's good enough for us." He offers a briefcase full of money. Man 2, who holds a fistfull of cash, says, "We like to get in early."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #profits good, #manager, #credit card, #900 call, #airplane phone, #call wife, #traveling

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Man points to an overhead projection of a graph. He says, "Our profits were good until a manager.." The boss sits, looking suprised, between two mad peers. The man with the overhead says, "...used his credit card to make a 900 call from an airplane phone." The boss says, "Hey, I'm allowed to call my wife when I'm traveling!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #third person, #refer, #emphasize, #brand of greatness, #ruining, #good idea

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Dogbert dressed in a crown and sceptar says, to Bob, "Bob, from now on, I will refer to myself in the third person." Dogbert says, "Dogbert does this to emphasize his special brand of greatness." Bob says, "Bob thinks that is a good idea." Dogbert says, "Hey! You're ruining it!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #transfer sales dept, #scapegoat, #make useless pordcuts, #low sales, #good prodcuts, #perfect wrld

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The boss says, to the scapegoat, "I'm transferring you to the sales department, scapegoat." The boss says, "Then we can make useless products and blame you for our low sales." The scapegoat says, "Wouldn't it be better to make good products?" The boss says, "In a perfect world."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wear jeans, #work pants, #sworn secrecy, #butt looks good, #comfratble, #jeans under work pants

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Wally and Dilbert get coffee in the office kitchen. Dilbert says, "I wish we could wear jeans at work." Wally says, "I'm wearing jeans right now." Wally says, "I wear my work pants over the jeans so no one will know how comfortable I am." Alice comes into Dilbert's cubicle. Alice says, "Why does Wally's butt look so good today." Dilbert says, "I'm sworn to secrecy."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good morning, #convince they don't exist, #no pay

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Dilbert walks by the boss and says, "Good morning!" The boss continues to walk by. Dilbert says, "I said, good morning." The boss says, "If I convince them they don't exist, I won't have to pay them."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #go away, #someone else cubicle, #finish project, #good teamwork, #reputation, #maintain

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Wally drinks coffee in alice's cubicle. Alice says, "Will you please go hang around in someone else's cubicle? I need to finish my project." The boss looks in and says, "Hey I see Wally is helping on the project. Good teamwork, Wally!" Wally says, "I hope you do good work. I have a reputation to mantain."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #outgrew container, #cube farming, #replant, #tall guys, #never good reason

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Caption: "Cube Farming" A very tall man stand in his cube. The cube farmer thinks, "He outgrew his container." The farmer grabs the guy by the tie and thinks, "I'll replant him in a container with a door." Dilbert and Wally look in on the tall gut now sitting in his own office. Wally says, "Why do tall guys always get picked?" Dilbert says, "I'm sure there's a good reason."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good product design, #gave three, #leadership, #product is bad, #stock willplunge, #totally meaningless, #signed card, #happy birthday

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Asok and Dilbert stand in front of the boss' desk. Dilbert says, "we need six weeks to make a good product design." Asok says, "You gave us three." Dilbert says, "Thanks to your leadership, the products is bad, our stock will plunge, and our lives are totally meaningless." Dilbert says, "Oh, and happy birthday." Asok holds a letter out and says, "We all signed a card."