Half Below Comic Strips - Page 9
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158 Results for Half Below
View 81 - 90 results for half below comic strips. Discover the best "Half Below" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday May 10,
2002
Tags #training cd, #brainwashed, #cuborg, #insurance, #cosmetic surgery, #jump off roof, #game system
Transcript
Asok is half cyborg. He sits on the doctor's table and says, "My training CD went bad and brainwashed me to become a cyborg." The doctor responds, "Your insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgery but you can game the system by jumping off the roof." Asok is on the roof, standing next to a man with intensely large ears. The man says to Asok, "I hear that the follow-up visits don't get any easier."
Saturday May 18,
2002
Tags #the ceo visit, #presentation, #bloated department, #eleiminate, #budget meeting, #marketing department
Transcript
Headline: The CEO Visit. The CEO says to The Boss, "Thanks for the presentation. Your department seems bloated." The CEO continues, "I'll eliminate half of your group in the next budget meeting." The Boss replies, "Thank you." Dilbert asks The Boss, "What are you going to do?" The Boss replies, "Nothing. I told him we're the marketing department."
Saturday December 07,
2002
Tags #blame insurance carrier, #give reason, #master plan, #parking lot, #reason, #remove all joy, #tell kids, #universe, #no skateboarding
Transcript
The Boss and Carol are looking out the window at the parking lot below. The Boss says, "Carol, tell those kids they can't skateboard in our parking lot." Carol responds, "Should I give them a reason, or is this part of your master plan to remove all joy from the universe?" Catbert is standing by a globe. The Boss says, "They know about the plan." Catbert responds, "Fool! I told you to blame our insurance carrier!"
Monday December 16,
2002
Tags #health, #life expectency, #current workload, #two peoples jobs, #six months, #five months, #shop, #Card
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. He points to the screen and says to Dogbert, "I calculated the impact of work on my health and life expectancy." Dilbert continues, "At my current workload, doing two people's jobs, I have... six months to live." Dogbert responds, "Remind me in five and a half months so I can shop for a card."
Tuesday March 18,
2003
Tags #marketing genius, #rebate program, #process, #impenetrable fortress, #unclear instructions, #physical impossibilities, #hidden 300 digit, #serial number
Transcript
Headline: Marketing Genius. A business associate says to The Boss and Wally, "We designed a rebate program that won't cost a penny." The business associate continues, "The rebate process is an impenetrable fortress of unclear instructions and physical impossibilities. An elderly couple sits at a table reviewing bills. The man says, "Next time we have to find the hidden 300-digit serial number and write it in a box that's half an inch long." The woman replies, "Stinkin' weasels."
Monday March 31,
2003
Tags #ceo placements, #magic 8 ball, #performed better, #dogbert the headhunter
Transcript
Headline: Dogbert the Headhunter. Dogbert says to a client, "Let me tell you how good my CEO placements have been." Dogbert continues, "An astonishing fifty percent of them have performed better than the other half!" Dogbert continues, "If you're on a budget, I recommend one of our stuffed CEO units with a 'Magic 8 Ball' head."
Tuesday August 26,
2003
Tags #million lines of code, #irrelevent data, #key your car, #no choice
Transcript
The Boss: "Our new product has half a million lines of code!" "Translation: there's nothing good about this product, so you hope I'm impressed by irrelevant data." "Now available in ecru!" "You leave me no choice but to key your car on the way out."
Thursday September 25,
2003
Tags #outsourcing, #elbonia, #time difference, #hand off requirements, #work day, #finish code, #pretend we died
Transcript
The Boss: "We're outsourcing half of our programming work to Elbonia to take advantage of the time difference." The Boos: "We'll hand off our requirements at the end of our work day and get back the finished code the next morning." Elboninas: "Once again, I have no idea what they want." "Let's pretend we died."
Friday December 12,
2003
Tags #product training, #pride in product line, #users experience, #painful boils, #relatively satisfied customers, #techniques
Transcript
Product Training. Man: You work for a company that takes pride in its product line. Only half of our users experience painful boils. We call that group the "relatively satisfied customers. what the?!
Friday January 02,
2004
Tags #office relocation, #cubicle, #air duct, #facilities, #chip out penguin, #cold, #cooler
Transcript
"Office relocation." "Some cubicles are slightly less desirable than others." "For example, your new cubicle is below an air duct so it is sometimes cooler than the area around it." "I asked the facilities people to chip out the penguin as soon as possible."