Joe Telling Kind Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

265 Results for Joe Telling Kind

View 81 - 90 results for joe telling kind comic strips. Discover the best "Joe Telling Kind" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #adult, #males, #immune, #verbal, #abuse, #petrified, #cat, #spittle, #bee, #burp, #chocolate, #cake

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "The great thing about adult males is that they've become immune to verbal abuse. Adult females may have something to do with it." Dogbert stands behind Dilbert and says, "Hey, you grotesque pile of petrified cat spittle . . ." Dilbert replies, "Hi, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "Is that your head, or has some kind of zucchini sprouted from your torso?" Dilbert asks, "Would you like to join me for some chocolate cake?" Dogbert says, "If brains were beans, you wouldn't have enough to make a bee burp." Dilbert replies, "Hey! We don't insult bees in this house!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #car, #oaf, #court, #circus contortionist, #accident

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert's car taps the car behind it. Dilbert says, "Oh, carp . . . I'd better see if I dented it." Dilbert leans into the car and tells the driver, "Your bumper doesn't appear to be . . . Uh-oh." The driver's legs and arms are contorted. He shouts at Dilbert, "Look what you've done to me, you oaf!!" The man hops out of the car and shouts, "I'll see you in court!!" The driver sits in the witness stand and tells the judge, ". . . And now I'll never be able to work again." The lawyer asks, "What kind of work did you do?" The man replies, "Well, uh . . . Er . . . Um . . ." The man answers, "Circus contortionist." The man adds, "As far as the settlement goes, I can be flexible."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #Political, #city, #county, #state, #federal, #world, #leader, #choice, #price

View Transcript

Transcript

Two aliens say to Dogbert, "Take us to your leader." Dogbert asks, "What kind of leader do you want . . .? Spiritual? Economic? Political? Military?" One alien asks, "Political?" The other replies, "Try it." Dogbert says, "Okay, do you want a city, county, state, federal or world political leader?" One alien says, "World . . . Definitely world." The other says, "Multiple choice is so easy." Dogbert says, "Sorry . . . Trick question. There is no political leader of the world." Dogbert continues, "But over that hill is a grocery store that claims to be the price leader." Dilbert arrives at home wearing burned clothes and carrying a bag of groceries. He tells Dogbert, "The strangest thing happened at the grocery store." Dogbert says, "It's been a strange day."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #suggestions, #report, #ridiculous, #spit, #woman, #carol, #assistant, #violent

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert tells a woman, "Carol, If you have any suggestions on my report, let me know." Carol looks at the document and asks, "What kind of ridiculous tripe are you pushing??" Carol says, "I spit on your report!" Carol lights a match and says, "I should burn it to ashes, but I won't . . ." Carol cries, "Because I'd rather dance on your grave after people read this!" She laughs. Carol throws the document at Dilbert and says, "Crawl back into your hole, you fly-infested bucket of dead carp!!" Dilbert walks away as Carol shouts, "Die! Die! Die!" Dilbert tells Wally, "Next time I'm just gonna say 'Carol, make some copies.'" Wally says, "The secretaries here have way too much power."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #biggest offices, #file cabinet, #least need, #living monument, #proprietary documents, #stacks full, #storage psace, #efficiency

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice asks the Boss, "Why is it that the people with the least need for storage space have the biggest offices?" Alice stands in the door to the Boss's office and says, "I know! You're using your office as kind of a living monument to inefficiency!" The Boss asks, "Is this because I wouldn't let you get a file cabinet?" Alice asks, "Where would I put it? My cubicle is full of stacks of proprietary documents."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #facilitate meetings, #fix product developemnt, #preplanning meetings, #project name, #death spiral

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a desk chair. Dilbert asks him, "Dogbert, I need you to facilitate some meetings." Dogbert asks, "What kind of meetings?" Dilbert says, "We're creating a process to fix our product development process. But first we're having some preplanning meetings . . ." Dilbert continues, " . . . to decide on a project name." Dogbert asks, "How about 'Death Spiral?'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #do math, #idiot, #monday and fridays, #shocking, #sick days, #idiot savant

View Transcript

Transcript

The secretary reads a document and says to the Boss, "Oh my! This is shocking!" The Boss asks, "What?" The secretary says, "40% of all sick days taken by your staff are Fridays and Mondays!" The Boss walks away saying, "What kind of idiot do they think I am?" The secretary says, "Not an idiot savant. They can do math."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coprotae cultures, #strategic allance, #issues, #beta code, #internet, #empowerment, #press release, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector discussing "Strategic Alliance Issues." Dilbert says, "Issue one: Our two companies have very different corporate cultures." A man with a goatee sits at the conference table working on a laptop. A woman with spiked hair sits next to him. The man says, "While you were droning I slammed out some beta code and put it on the Internet for comments." Dilbert says, "My company prefers to have that kind of decision made by uninformed executives. We call it 'empowerment.'" The man replies, "I'll mention that in the press release."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trade show, #free stuff, #cheap pens, #eye contact, #hit buffet

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "At the trade show." Wally asks a man at a booth, "What kind of free stuff do you have?" Wally opens a shopping bag and says, "Cheap pens? That's original. Okay, fill 'er up. But I'm afraid I can't give you any eye contact." Wally walks away holding a bag of free stuff and thinking, "That's enough industry research for today. It's time to hit the buffet."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #most absurd activity, #timecard, #no project code, #staring at wall, #fretting, #reorganization, #training, #their or liar

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk and thinks, "And now for the most absurd activity of the week: the timecard." Dilbert thinks, "There's no project code for 'staring at the wall and fretting about the reorganization.' I'll call it 'training.'" Dilbert hands the timecard to Carol and says, "Before I worked here I wasn't a thief or a liar." Carol replies, "You can't get that kind of training in school."