Never Fire Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for never fire comic strips. Discover the best "Never Fire" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2002's comic on:


Tags #improve morale, #want drinking enough, #coffee meetings, #never leave table

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The Boss says to Wally, "I'm having these coffee meetings to find out how I can improve morale." Wally responds, "My only problem was that I wasn't drinking enough coffee with you. So now I'm good, thanks." Wally continues, "Promise me you'll never leave this table. I can't go back to the way things were."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2002's comic on:


Tags #billion dollar idea, #sweet mother, #owns your ideas, #fire you, #then sue you, #always hardest

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Asok says to The Boss and Alice, "Sweet mother of potatoes! I just thought of a billion-dollar idea!!" The Boss responds, "The company owns all of your ideas. Cough it up or I'll fire you and then sue you." Asok and Alice are walking together. Asok cries, "Waaa!" Alice says, "Your first billion-dollar idea is always the hardest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2003's comic on:


Tags #construction bid, #award for job, #team of skilled craftmen, #ex wife, #truck on fire

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Dilbert holds a piece of paper and says, "Your construction bid is the lowest so I have to award you the job." Dilbert asks, "When can your team of highly skilled craftsmen begin?" The beaver responds, "I'll call you." The beaver is leaning over a huge book titled, "Excuses." He says into the telephone, "Day one: My ex-wife set my truck on fire."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2003's comic on:


Tags #fire toxic co worker, #lazy and ineffectual, #selfish, #toxic guy, #Wally

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Dilbert, Wally, and Alice approach The Boss. Dilbert says, "We demand that you fire our toxic co-worker." Wally turns to Dilbert and asks, "You aren't talking about me, are you?" Dilbert turns and says, "No, you're lazy and ineffectual with an overlay of selfish." Wally asks, "And I hate the toxic guy?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2003's comic on:


Tags #excellent all year, #rating poor, #paper trail, #fire you, #surge of motivation, #feedback

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Asok is meeting with The Boss. The Boss says, "Asok, your work has been excellent all year." The Boss continues, "I'm rating you 'poor' so I'll have a paper trail in case I ever need to fire you." Asok sobs and crumples his evaluation. The Boss says, "You'll probably feel a little surge of motivation because you got feedback."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2003's comic on:


Tags #india institute of technology, #huge brain, #mental superiority, #re heat tea, #forehead, #fire

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Asok: "At the India Institute of Technology, I learned to use my huge brain." "But I try not to frighten ordinary people with any gratuitous displays of mental superiority." "For example, I no longer reheat my tea by holding it to my forehead and imagining fire."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2003's comic on:


Tags #lead odg, #view never changes, #look at face, #imlying, #insightful analogy

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The boss: "Remember, if you're not the lead dog, the view never changes." Carol: "I'm not the lead dog, and I have to look at your face all day. The Boss: "What are you implying?" Carol: "I was admiring your insightful analogy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #consulting firm, #fixing business strategies, #own industry, #doing bad, #never mention

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Consultant: My consulting firm specializes in fixing business strategies. Dilbert: Have you ever figured out why your own industry is in the toilet? Consultant: I'll give you a thousand dollars never to mention that again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2003's comic on:


Tags #hate people, #never allowed shoes, #Dogbert, #hows my walking, #dial, #1800

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"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2004's comic on:


Tags #cpr on blob, #fire in break room, #sprinkler system, #water melketed, #witch melted

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The Boss: "When I found out that the manager who replaced me was a witch, I set a fire in the break room." "The automatic sprinkler system came on and melted her. Witches don't like water." "Are you glad to have me back?" "I've been doing CPR on this blob for two days."