Plunging Productivity Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

98 Results for Plunging Productivity

View 81 - 90 results for plunging productivity comic strips. Discover the best "Plunging Productivity" comics from Dilbert.com.

Employees Keep Agreeing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Employees Keep Agreeing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags furniture, office, arrangement, laziness, loophole, efficiency, management, work ethic, excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?

Duplicating Effort

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Duplicating Effort - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags management, productivity, absent mindedness, forgetful, duplicate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Great update, Ted. Now let's hear what Dilbert did this week. Dilbert: I unnecessarily duplicated Ted's work because you forgot you asked bot of us to do the same task. Boss: And how about Alice? Alice: You're three for three.

Coworkers Hate Wally For Some Reason

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Coworkers Hate Wally For Some Reason - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses, ego, conceited, productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My co-workers don't take me seriously because I'm so good looking. And I think they hate me for my brilliant mind. All I know is that they hate me. So if I seem unproductive, it's because of my beauty and brilliance.

Alice Takes On More Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Takes On More Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, workload, philosophy, semantics

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Why do I keep taking on more work while you do noting? Wally: That's because you optimize for productivity, while I optimize for my happiness. Alice: That makes you a freeloader. Wally: I prefer the label "happy winner."

Programming Environment

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Programming Environment - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags productivity, programmer, engineer, developer, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you finish writing the software? Dilbert: No. I spent the last three days setting up my programming environment. Boss: So... you've done... nothing? Dilbert: Nothing you'd understand.

Faking Their Own Deaths

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Faking Their Own Deaths - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, distraction, subversion, alias, espionage, hiding, productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My job as the team scrum for our agile methodology is to remove distractions so you can work. I've created fake identities for each of us, and I'll be spreading the rumor that we all died. Carol: I heard they all died. Boss: Nice try. I will find them!

Remove Yourself

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Remove Yourself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags distraction, irony, productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: As the designated agile scrum, it is my job to remove distractions so you can work. Alice: Great. Remove yourself from my cubicle and you've done your job. Dilbert: That seems too easy. Alice: And yet you can't do it.

Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags politeness, conversation, etiquette, efficiency, illogical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar. Today you will learn how to sacrifice your productivity and your happiness for the sake of ancient traditions grounded in total nonsense.Voice: Why would we want to do that? Dogbert: Please hold your impolite questions until never.

Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, genius, work ethic, efficiency

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: Can you do that by end of day? Wally: It would be smarter to wait until we have the final specs. Woman: I can't tell if you're lazy or wise. Wally: It's all the same thing. Woman: This is a weird gray area. Wally: I'm going to take a quick nap to boost my productivity.

Dilbert Red Pills Asok

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Red Pills Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jargon, language, nonsense, productivity, illusion, alternate reality

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Nothing in this dimension is real. Asok: Double-click on that. Dilbert: The jargon matrix is where people imagine they are being useful. But in reality, they are sitting in a chair doing nothing. Asok: I just made a ten-year technology plan.