Ratbert The Consulatant Comic Strips - Page 9
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Dogbert stands on the desk chair. He says, "The e-mail votes have been tabulated. The will of the people is that Ratbert shall be spared from getting whacked with a magazine." Dilbert says to Ratbert, "I guess there's nothing funny about random cruelty." Bob the Dinosaur gives Dilbert a wedgie and says, "Right! Cruelty is only funny if administered in a proper social context."
Dogbert sits on his pillow. Ratbert says, "I'm writing a short story for people who don't have much patience." Ratbert reads, "Blah, blah, blah. Whatever, blah, blah, etcetera, etcetera." Ratbert says, "If it's a commercial success, the sequel practically writes itself."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on a laptop. Ratbert says, "I noticed I wasn't in any of your old photo albums, so I pasted myself into a few key places." Ratbert shows Dilbert the album and says, "Here I am hugging you when you're a baby . . . Basically I put myself over all the pictures of this ugly woman." Dilbert says, "That ugly woman is my mom." Ratbert says, "Hey! I didn't raise you to talk bad about other people!"
Dogbert hands Ratbert a list and says, "Here's my list of Christmas demands, Ratbert." Dogbert says, "Since you have no money I included items which can be easily shoplifted." Ratbert says, "Thanks." Dogbert says, "Or you can check the box where it says you agree to be my personal valet for life." Ratbert replies, "I need to shoplift a pencil first."
Dilbert sits in front of the Christmas tree in his bathrobe. Dilbert says to Dogbert, who is tearing open his presents, "You really put the family through some major gift-giving guilt this week, Dogbert." Ratbert asks, "Family? Does that include little Ratbert?" Dilbert hands Ratbert a gift and says, "Welcome to the family, Ratbert." Dogbert says, "Don't expect much of an allowance."
Dogbert and Ratbert look at a globe. Dogbert says, "After I conquer the world I'll have a city named after you, Ratbert." Dogbert continues, "But before I do that I'll change your name to Pittsburgh." Dogbert continues, "If you play your cards right I'll change your last name to 'Yoo Hoo' and have a beverage named after you too!" Ratbert yells, "Yes! I'm gonna be famous!"
Dogbert: The Dogbert Consulting Company will plot a new course for your business. My consultants are so smart that their brains don't fit in their heads, They have to start the extra brains to their torsos. Ratbert: why do I need a piece of liver strapped to my torso? Dogbert: I got a little carried away at the pitch meeting.
Ratbert: "Dogbert told me about the birds and the bees." "The bee part confuses me. It seems like I'd get stung." "And as for birds, I just wouldn't know the words to say." Dilbert: "Try a humming bird."
Ratbert: A hush comes over the crowd. This would be Ratbert's most difficult dive. Dilbert: I give it a two. Ratbert: The judges were cruel but rather captured the hearts aof the audience , endorsements would follow.