Simple Agreement Comic Strips - Page 9
89 Results for Simple Agreement
View 81 - 89 results for simple agreement comic strips. Discover the best "Simple Agreement" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share December 26, 2004's comic on:
"Can you check my spreadsheet for accuracy?" "It's an impenetrable jumble of poorly organized data with cryptic labels." "I only need you to check it for accuracy." "I don't think accuracy matters if no one can tell what it's for." "Sheesh! Let me expain this document!" "This column is the ratio of product returns to gross revenue excluding sales taxes, annualized." "it's clearly labeled "ROPRTGRESTA."" "What about the other 80 columns?" "What the #*%!?" "And Dilbert found no inaccuracies."
Share December 20, 2013's comic on:
The Noncommittal Committee Dilbert: Does everyone agree with the plan? Woman 1: It depends. Man 1: Ask me later. Man 2: Eh. Woman 2: I'll think about it. Dilbert: Make a decision!!! Voice: Is this your first day?
Share February 21, 2014's comic on:
Wally: The secret to having a rewarding work-life balance is to have no life. Then it's easy to keep things balanced by doing no work. Asok: So simple, and yet, so genius. Wally: It was hiding in plain sight.
Share June 22, 2014's comic on:
Boss: Change your recommendation to the opposite of what you wrote and send it to me for approval. Dilbert: Why do I need approval for the thing you just approved? Boss: I want you to feel some ownership. Dilbert: I already feel that you own me. Boss: I mean that I want you to feel ownership of the recommendation. Dilbert: How can I feel ownership of your ignorant decisions? Boss: By getting my approval for them. I can't be more clear. Dilbert: At least we agree on that.
Share August 11, 2014's comic on:
Coworker: Tradition requires you to disparage every technology decision made before you got involved. But please be gentle with your criticism of my software. It's like my baby. Dilbert: If you mean your software is a useless blob that consumes resources and soils itself, we are in agreement.
Share May 13, 2015's comic on:
Boss: Stop agreeing with me in ways that sound like you don't mean it. Dilbert: Experts say one should first agree with idiots to gain trust before trying to change their minds. Boss: You need to stop doing that. Dilbert: You are so right about that.
Share January 06, 2017's comic on:
Boss: Why haven't you finished writing the software? Dilbert: Because each of your interruptions took me out of the zone and turned a simple task into a nightmare. Catbert: What did he mean by that? Boss: It sounded like some sort of feng shui.
Share April 30, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: I wanted to be productive this week but the big tech companies didn't let me. Boss: That's ridiculous. They can't stop people from doing work. Dilbert: Actually, they can. Their business models depend on interrupting users with ads, and apps, and mindless entertainment. Until recently, humans could resist these distractions. But now the tech companies are using science to make their apps addictive. They learned how to hijack our brains. What started as simple entertainment evolved into military-grade mind control. Did you hear any of that? Boss: Any of what?
Share November 26, 2017's comic on:
Boss: Negotiate with your vendor and get the price down. Dilbert: I don't know how to negotiate. I'm an engineer. Boss: It's simple. All you need to do is make an aggressive first demand and settle for less. Dilbert: How aggressive are we talking about here? Boss: The more aggressive the better. Dilbert: That doesn't sound right. Boss: Trust me. More is better. Dilbert: My opening demand is that you name me as a beneficiary on your life insurance police, mow my lawn, and die in traffic on the way home. Boss: You got the price down by 35 percent. Dilbert: I really hoped it wouldn't work.