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View 81 - 90 results for 100% complete comic strips. Discover the best "100% Complete" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I'm like the story of the auto mechanic." "A woman has her car towed into the shop. The mechanic opens the hood and takes a look." "After about ten seconds he takes a hammer and taps the engine. It starts right up." "The mechanic says, 'That will be $100, please.'" Zzzzz "The woman says, '$100??? All you did was tap the engine!'" "The mechanic says, 'It's $90 for knowing where to tap and $10 for the tap.'" zzzzz TAP! "20 years ago I wouldn't have known which one of you to tap."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"You're so attractive that I'm blind to your complete lack of qualifications." "If I hire you, will you show up for work?" "Not often, you ignorant lump." "Ha ha! It's cute the way you say it." "Ha ha! I want your office."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo's meeting, #boos, #Dilbert, #status on technology, #platform migration, #nothing to hide, #100 drunken clowns, #beed in their underpants, #decline in morale, #pretending tow ork, #get fired, #hide things

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CEO Meeting The Boss: "I brought Dilbert in case you have any technical questions." CEO: "What's the status on the technology platform migration project?" The Boss: "Be completely honest. We have nothing to hide." Dilbert: "Well, okay." "The project is like a hundred drunken clowns with bees in their underpants." "I expect the decline in morale to lead to violence." "Most of us are only pretending to work while secretly hoping the project gets canceled after you get fired by the board." "It turns out that we did have a few things to hide."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benchmarks, #global warming, #normally, #pleasent week, #polluter, #problem, #solution, #too hot to work, #work indoors

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The Boss: "Wally, did you complete the benchmark tests?" wally: "No." slurp The Boss: "Because?" Wally: "Global warming." The Boss: "What?" Wally: "Well, normally this would have been a pleasant week." "But thanks to you and your stupid SUV, it was too hot to work." "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." The Boss: "You work indoors!" Wally: "Said the polluter."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presdient, #first 100 days, #carve name, #furniture, #switzerland

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"If you are elected president, what will you do in the first hundred days?" "I figure it will take me at least that long to carve my name in all the furniture." "Then it would be time to wipe that smug smile off of Switzerland's face."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #300 days, #complete, #finish by 5oclock, #clean desk, #fired, #lose interest

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The Boss: "I hired all of you because the project will take 300 man days to complete." "There are 300 of you, so I want you to finish by five o'clock and clean out your desks. You're all fired." "If it takes more than one meeting to manage a project, I lose interest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #high priority tasks, #launched, #abyss of total nothingness, #never talk about you

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Dilbert: Today I complete my high priority tasks and launched them into the miasma. "There they will rot from neglect while I draw closer to the abyss of eternal nothingness." Ratbert: "I have an idea. Let's never talk about you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #six months, #task, #simple task, #continuous cahnges, #unclear communication, #short work days, #being lazy

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The Boss: "Why did it take six months to complete this simple task?" Dilbert: "Because of your continuous changes, your unclear communication, and your short work days." The boss: "I'm looking for something more along the lines of you being lazy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mordac, #reventer, #information services, #complete log in, #stare directly at sun, #computer message

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Mordac, the preventer of information services. Mordac: "Security is more important than usability." "In a perfect world, no one would be able to use anything." Asok: To complete the log-in procedure. Stare directly at the sun.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #projects, #complete projects, #calculated risk, #tasks, #lateness irrelevant, #worst week, #business

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"And Wally, did you finish your project tasks for today?" Wally: "No. I took a calculated risk that other people would not finish their tasks either, making my lateness totally irrelevant." "Um..." "That is the worst..." "I need another week."