Against Optimism Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

194 Results for Against Optimism

View 81 - 90 results for against optimism comic strips. Discover the best "Against Optimism" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #get fired, #mother, #drop lawsuit, #despicable wesels, #enjoy challenge, #demand dna test, #Family

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and his mom are eating dinner. Dilbert says, "Mom, I'll get fired unless you drop your lawsuit against my company." Dilbert's mom replies, "Why do you work for a company that's managed by despicable weasels?" Dilbert responds, "They tell me it's because I enjoy the challenge." Dilbert's mom says, "I demand a DNA test."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #abuse, #audio menu system, #freezing, #love problem, #low level technician, #same questions, #too much optimism, #waited in que, #tech support

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is sitting at a computer. He says into a telephone headset, "This is Dogbert's Tech Support. How may I abuse you?" The customer on the other end of the line responds, "Finally!! It took me an hour to penetrate your inscrutable audio menu system!" The customer continues, "Then I waited in queue for forty minutes!" The customer says, "My problem is that my computer keeps freezing..." Dogbert's voice interrupts him, "Not so fast." Dogbert says, "I need to know your name, address, phone number, operating system, e-mail address, serial numbers, software versions and video drivers." The customer clenches his teeth and shakes his fist as Dogbert's voice continues, "Then I'll put you in queue for the low-level technician who can only tell you to reboot." Dogbert continues, "He'll ask you the same questions for reasons that will baffle you." The customer asks, "But eventually you'll solve my problem, right?" Dogbert's voice replies, "Sure, if your problem is too much optimism."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scale back, #new brochure, #diplomatic immunity, #current, #future felonies, #poetic licence, #motor oil, #root beer

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss and Dilbert are looking at the new product brochure. Dilbert says, "We might want to scale back some of the claims in our new brochure." The Boss asks, "Which ones?" Dilbert responds, "For example, where it says, 'provides diplomatic immunity against all current and future felonies.'" The Boss says, "That's just poetic license." Dilbert reads, "Turn used motor oil into root beer."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #times are tough, #optimism, #find good in bad, #wild pigs, #pigs are cute

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "Alice, I know that times are tough. But you need to show more optimism." The Boss: "Try to find the good thing in any bad situation." "Our entire sales force has been eaten by wild pigs." Alice: "Pigs are cute!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management retreat, #hawaii, #how many employees, #down size, #pay of trip, #against helicopter ride

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "The management retreat in Hawaii was productive." "We calculated how many employees we needed to downsize to pay for the trip." Ted: "Don't blame me, Ted. I voted against the third helicopter ride."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #top down budget, #bottom up budget, #ignorance, #cruelty, #lying, #optimism, #cancel, #wasted hour

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: "I averaged the top-down budget with the bottom-up budget." "As you can see, the ignorance and cruelty canceled out the lying and optimism." Alice: "Do you have anything to cancel out feelings of a wasted hour?" Man: "Have you tried despair?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #retired, #do anything, #all day long, #banging head, #earn money, #social infrastructure, #warm, #tingly, #sensation, #guilty

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "It's nice to be retired. I'll do a-a-anything I want to do all day long." "I guess you'll be banging your head against a wall today, trying to earn money for the social infrastructure." Dilbert: "Do you ever feel guilty?" Dogbert: "Is it a warm, tingly sensation that makes you wag?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insincere optimism, #artificial sense of urgency, #delusion, #work for challenge, #not money, #good ideas, #sound bad

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm developing an insincere optimism to complement my artificial sense of urgency. Dilbert: I hope to top it off with a delusion that I work for the challenge and not the money. The Boss: How can you make good ideas sound so bad? Dilbert: Im an engineer.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #defend against lawsuits, #records retention policy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "To defend lawsuits, our records retention policy has been updated to include this..." Bam! The Boss: "What was I talking about?" Wally: "The records retention policy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiate sale, #voice activated hassock business, #no lying, #plenty of ommissions, #tactical ignorance

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I want you to negotiate the sale of our voice activated hassock business." "You're not allowed to lie, but I expect plenty of omissions, misdirections, exaggerations..." "...Unjustified optimism, lost documents, unclear explanations, gray areas and tactical ignorance. Oh, and say that we have other offers."