Better Than Comic Strips - Page 9
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"I can't believe we have to go to 'diversity sensitivity' training." "Wally, I don't see how it could be bad to seek a better understanding of others." "Uh-oh." "Take a seat in the 'dumpy white guy section'. I'm ready to start."
Player man: dilbert, you'll be playing the left striker position. Player man: one of our good players will try to strike tony in th head with the ball and bank it in the goal, LIZ: "It" being the ball not your head. Dilbert: Id better take off y glasses. LIZ: No, don't, I included their dampening effect in my calculations.
"As my dogumentary begins, we see the engineer hard at work." "Suddenly, he leaps into action! Years of training and experience come into focus!" "The screen saver has been deactivated. But doubt sets in...was there a better way?" "I should have moved the mouse."
"I guess it's time to go back to my dimly lit cubicle and see if my carpal tunnel has crippled me yet." "This is a lot like my last job as a coal miner, but without the threat of a gas explosion." "I'm moving you to a new cubicle over by Wally." "Better get a canary."
"I'm going to take classes at night and get an MBA." "I don't need a big-name school. I'm in this for knowledge, not prestige." "How about 'Tony's House of MBA's'?" "The babe ratio is better at 'MBA-O-RAMA'."
"Bob, I'll yank the cat off of Ratbert's head and you stomp on it!" "Yank" "Stomp" "I could have phrased that better." "I'm not an optimist anymore."
Dilbert: Hows the job going, Anne? Anne: Musch better, now that Ive given up sleep, exercise and nutrition in favor of coffee. Dilbert: Any adverse effects? Anne: This is the aorta of the last person who asked me that.
EXECUTIVE BOARD ROOM TED: our competitors are kicking our pasty white rumps. Ted: Im bringing in dogcart to fire employees until we're stronger than the competition. Man: How will the work get done with no employees? Ted: Id better form a test force to study that.
The Boss says to an employee, "The employee surveys indicate some dissatisfaction in my group. That affects my pay." The Boss continues as the man frowns, "You're my grumpiest employee, so I'm going to fire you to bring up my average score for morale." The Boss walks away thinking, "I think I'm getting better at all the touchy-feely stuff."
Dilbert, Wally, Alice, the Boss and another man sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've implemented an 'employee of the month award.'" The Boss explains, "The winner gets to park in a special space right behind the area reserved for managers!" Dilbert says, "That's like saying the very best employee isn't as good as the worst manager." The Boss replies, "No, you're just as good but . . . Uh . . . Less important." Wally says, "Personally, I'm feeling all charged up about this program!" Wally continues, "I'm going to work day and night to increase my chances for better parking!!" Everyone except the Boss laughs. Wally says, "But wait! I ride the train to work!" The Boss thinks, "We're off to a rocky start."