Build Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

124 Results for Build

View 81 - 90 results for build comic strips. Discover the best "Build" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #knowledge, #authority, #make decsions, #misinterpret, #build

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Does anyone here have any knowledge or any authority to make decisions? woman: "I'm only here to listen and misinterpret." "Let's try to build on that."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #approval policy, #coffee supplies, #disobedience, #fire, #hatred, #new informational services, #effigies

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I realize you don't like the new information services approval policy. But I would appreciate it if you didn't build effigies of me out of coffee supplies." "Seriously. It's creeping me out." Alice: Heh heh heh!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #users want, #supply and emnad, #idiot, #managing, #work harder, #earn less money, #fire me, #obvious things

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Find out what the users want before your build it." Dilbert says, "Why are you explaining my job to me as if I'm an idiot?" The Boss says, "It's called managing." The Boss says, "I assume you're dumb because you work harder than I do and earn less money." The Boss says, "And my boss would fire me if I just sat in my office and did nothing." The Boss says, "So I wander around and say obvious thing to you idiots until quitting time." The Boss says, "Then I go home and eat until my underpants don't fit." The Boss says, "Thanks for asking."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spam filter, #rewrote business plan, #build an army, #indestructible robots, #new org chart, #microwave

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol says, "Our spam filter became self-aware. It rewrote our business plan." Carol says, "It wants us to build an army of indestructible robots." Carol says, "And the new org chart is out. It looks like you report to... the microwave."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #killer robots, #spam filter, #ordered

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Do you really think it's a good idea to build killer robots just because our spam filter ordered you?" FZEEET! Dilbert says, "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dinner date, #interesting story, #self aware, #build an army, #killer robots

View Transcript

Transcript

A woman says, "Tell me an interesting story." Dilbert says, "Our spam filter became self-aware and ordered us to build an army of killer robots. My coworker, Alice, punched them all to death." The woman says, "I'm not even in that story."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #idea, #unethical, #evil, #corrupt, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll build a factory in every state." Dogbert says, "Politicians will vote to throw huge pork projects our way to benefit their home states." The boss says, "You're turning capitalism against democracy." Dogbert says, "You say weiner, I say winner."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #planning, #Advice, #money, #rant, #ignoring, #thinking

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "How much will it cost to develop our next generation product?" Dilbert says, "It will cost whatever you put in the budget." The boss says, "How much should I put in the budget?" Dilbert says, "Ask for the biggest number you think will get approved." Dilbert says, "If we get a lot of money we can build something great." Dilbert says, "If we don't get much money we can build something lame, and compensate for the lack of quality by lying more vigorously than usual." The boss says, "I'll aim low so I don't get yelled at during the executive budget meeting." Dilbert thinks, "I remember the time when this sort of thing would haunt me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #talking, #discussing, #plan, #deception, #greed, #corruption

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll start ten mutual funds, each with randomly chosen stocks." Dogbert says, "Later we'll build our advertisements around whichever one does the best purely by chance." Dogbert says, "My goal is to be the premier provider of imaginary expertise." Wag! Wag!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good news, #raise fist, #wireless network, #bad news, #knowledge, #lack of understanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss says, "Good news! We won the bid to build a nationwide wireless network!" Dilbert says, "Bad news! We don't know how to build a nationwide wireless network!" Boss says, "It's wireless. How hard could it be to not install wires?"