Build Comic Strips - Page 9
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123 Results for Build
View 81 - 90 results for build comic strips. Discover the best "Build" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 11,
2007
Tags #knowledge, #authority, #make decsions, #misinterpret, #build
Transcript
Dilbert: Does anyone here have any knowledge or any authority to make decisions? woman: "I'm only here to listen and misinterpret." "Let's try to build on that."
Thursday February 28,
2008
Tags #approval policy, #coffee supplies, #disobedience, #fire, #hatred, #new informational services, #effigies
Transcript
Man: I realize you don't like the new information services approval policy. But I would appreciate it if you didn't build effigies of me out of coffee supplies." "Seriously. It's creeping me out." Alice: Heh heh heh!"
Sunday August 17,
2008
Tags #users want, #supply and emnad, #idiot, #managing, #work harder, #earn less money, #fire me, #obvious things
Transcript
The Boss says, "Find out what the users want before your build it." Dilbert says, "Why are you explaining my job to me as if I'm an idiot?" The Boss says, "It's called managing." The Boss says, "I assume you're dumb because you work harder than I do and earn less money." The Boss says, "And my boss would fire me if I just sat in my office and did nothing." The Boss says, "So I wander around and say obvious thing to you idiots until quitting time." The Boss says, "Then I go home and eat until my underpants don't fit." The Boss says, "Thanks for asking."
Tuesday November 11,
2008
Tags #spam filter, #rewrote business plan, #build an army, #indestructible robots, #new org chart, #microwave
Transcript
Carol says, "Our spam filter became self-aware. It rewrote our business plan." Carol says, "It wants us to build an army of indestructible robots." Carol says, "And the new org chart is out. It looks like you report to... the microwave."
Wednesday November 12,
2008
Tags #killer robots, #spam filter, #ordered
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Do you really think it's a good idea to build killer robots just because our spam filter ordered you?" FZEEET! Dilbert says, "What's the worst thing that could happen?"
Saturday November 15,
2008
Tags #dinner date, #interesting story, #self aware, #build an army, #killer robots
Transcript
A woman says, "Tell me an interesting story." Dilbert says, "Our spam filter became self-aware and ordered us to build an army of killer robots. My coworker, Alice, punched them all to death." The woman says, "I'm not even in that story."
Monday July 06,
2009
Tags #meeting, #idea, #unethical, #evil, #corrupt, #business
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll build a factory in every state." Dogbert says, "Politicians will vote to throw huge pork projects our way to benefit their home states." The boss says, "You're turning capitalism against democracy." Dogbert says, "You say weiner, I say winner."
Sunday July 26,
2009
Tags #budget, #planning, #Advice, #money, #rant, #ignoring, #thinking
Transcript
The boss says, "How much will it cost to develop our next generation product?" Dilbert says, "It will cost whatever you put in the budget." The boss says, "How much should I put in the budget?" Dilbert says, "Ask for the biggest number you think will get approved." Dilbert says, "If we get a lot of money we can build something great." Dilbert says, "If we don't get much money we can build something lame, and compensate for the lack of quality by lying more vigorously than usual." The boss says, "I'll aim low so I don't get yelled at during the executive budget meeting." Dilbert thinks, "I remember the time when this sort of thing would haunt me."
Saturday August 22,
2009
Tags #sitting, #talking, #discussing, #plan, #deception, #greed, #corruption
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll start ten mutual funds, each with randomly chosen stocks." Dogbert says, "Later we'll build our advertisements around whichever one does the best purely by chance." Dogbert says, "My goal is to be the premier provider of imaginary expertise." Wag! Wag!
Saturday April 24,
2010
Tags #good news, #raise fist, #wireless network, #bad news, #knowledge, #lack of understanding
Transcript
Boss says, "Good news! We won the bid to build a nationwide wireless network!" Dilbert says, "Bad news! We don't know how to build a nationwide wireless network!" Boss says, "It's wireless. How hard could it be to not install wires?"