Building Apps Comic Strips - Page 9
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The boss: "Our next project is building a private shuttle to the moon." "Now if you make any mistakes, innocent tourists will perish in the vacuum of space." Dilbert: "We need to work on our rationalizations." Wally: "Is anyone really 'innocent'?"
The Boss: What have you learned this week working as my employee mole? Mole: Some of the people in this building think you're a worthless, self-important gas bag. The Boss: What do other people think? Mole: They don't know you."
Filling in for the Pointy-Haired Boss A man says, "Does your department need its entire budget this year?" Dilbert says, "no, we'll waste most of it on empire building and appearing to work on trendy things." The man says, "All in favor of cutting this guy's budget in half?" Dilbert says, "I call do-over! Do-over!"
Catbert says, "I can't put you on the management fast track until I confirm that your moral compass is broken." Catbert says, "A nun, a CEO and a scientist are in a burning building. You can only save one of them. Which one do you save?" Dilbert says, "Is there time for a bidding war?" Catbert says, "Oh, you're good."
Dogbert the CEO The Boss says, "Our investors are not happy that you bought a helicopter." The Boss says, "Or that you only use it to keep birds off the building." The Boss says, "Or that the parking lot is filling up with beaks and feathers." Dogbert says, "I can't please everyone."
Catbert says, "We can save the most money by downsizing the unhealthiest workers first." The boss says, "How do we know who they are?" Catbert says, "We'll close the parking lot that's nearest the building." Asok says, "Should we help them?" Wally says, "It's too late for broccoli."
Dilbert says, "Our new data center is complete." Dilbert says, "The only wrinkle is that the power company won't give us the kilowatts we need." The boss says, "What are our options?" Dilbert says, "Well, we can run the servers without air conditioning." Dilbert says, "Until they melt into a toxic blob." Dilbert says, "Then we can turn the building into a museum that celebrates poor planning." Dilbert says, "Or we could all quit our jobs and eat bugs to survive." The boss says, "Let's go with the toxic blob, but we need to call it something else." Man says, "Convergence!"
Wally says, "It takes an average of five people to approve any action in this company, and at any given time, three are on vacation." Wally says, "Should I violate our company culture of consensus building, or just sit around and do nothing for lack of buy-in?" The boss says, "Did you mention flailing around in futility?" Wally says, "I was hoping you forgot that option."
Wally says, "It's time to stir the soup." Wally says, "I think Ted is stealing." Wally says, "You know how sometimes you can't find things in your office?" The boss says, "Um?yes." Wally says, "That only happens on days when Ted has been in the building." Wally says, "and I think he was wearing a new sock the other day. Have you ever lost a sock?" The boss says, "He's been in my house?!" Wally says, "Either that or your wife and Ted have some sort of arrangement." The boss says ,"Ted..." Wally says, "It makes my lack of accomplishments seem unimportant."
Woman says, "I judge potential mates by their cell phone apps. Hand it over." Woman says, "You have an app that does nothing but hurl pirate insults. That is so stupid. This date is over." Cell Phone says, "Don't let the door hit you in the booty. Aaaargh!"