Consulting Form Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for consulting form comic strips. Discover the best "Consulting Form" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #power supply, #product overheats, #burst into flames, #level city, #military application, #costs, #ten million, #free hammer, #consulting job, #uninhabited, #atoll

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The Boss is sitting at his desk. Dilbert enters and says, "The power supply in our product overheats." The Boss turns to an employee seated next to him and says, "I think they might burst into flames." The employee approaches a businesswoman and says, "I'm no engineer but obviously it could level a whole city." The businesswoman motions towards a diagram of an explosion that reads, "POW!!" She says to the seated military officer, "The military application is obvious." The military officer asks stoically, "How much do they cost?" The businesswoman answers furtively, "Does 10 million dollars sound like too much?" The military officer raises his fist in protest and exclaims, "For that kind of money I expect a free hammer! And a consulting job when I retire." Dilbert is sitting at his desk in front of his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "If an uninhabited atoll doesn't blow up tomorrow you're in big trouble."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #35th of month, #earned dogbert miles, #live in terminal, #permafrost, #primitive society, #south pole, #dogbert airlines

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Headline: Dogbert Airlines. Dogbert announces into a microphone, "Attention travelers! Our hub at the South Pole is experiencing permafrost." The customers look alarmed as they listen to the loud speaker. Dogbert's voice continues, "Please form a primitive society and live in the terminal forever." Dogbert continues into the microphone, "The good news is that you'll earn six 'Dogbert Miles' that can be used on the 35th of every month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frequent grocery club, #memebership, #Card, #engineer spittle, #carry card, #inconvienced, #junk mail list, #charge me same

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Dilbert is at the checkout line of a supermarket. The cashier asks him, "Are you a member of our frequent grocery club?" Dilbert responds, "No, what is it?" The cashier replies, "You get a membership card that entitles you to discounts." Dilbert says, "Let's see if I have this straight..." Dilbert continues, "I'll be inconvenienced by having to fill out a form and carry your stupid card around..." Dilbert continues, "And in return, you'll put me on a junk mail list, and charge me the same as the grocery store across the street?" Dilbert yells, "AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BE HAPPY ABOUT IT?!!" The customer in line behind Dilbert says, "But it's free!" The cashier says into the intercom, "Cleanup on register two.. it's engineer spittle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strategy council, #form a comittee, #produce document, #team, #create council, #ignores document, #business

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During a meeting, The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, put together a team to decide who'll be on the strategy council." Dilbert responds, "You want me to form a committee to create a committee that will produce a document that will be ignored?" The Boss answers, "No, it's a team to create a council." Wally raises his hand and asks, "Can I be on the team that ignores the document?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #epic year, #unethical behavior, #rebarnding, #hired dogcart consulting, #small improvements, #rename company, #stinking weasel, #slogan, #steal, #rob, #corruption, #hiring pirate, #diseased parrot

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Thanks to an epic year of unethical behavior..." The Boss continues, "We need to do some rebranding so that no one knows who we are." The Boss points to Dogbert and continues, "I hired the Dogbert Consulting Company to help." Dogbert says, "You can't fix your image all at once. I recommend starting with small improvements." Dogbert continues, "First, rename the company to Stinkingweasels Inc." Dogbert continues, "The new slogan will be 'We steal in ways you've never even heard of.'" Dogbert turns to The Boss and says, "For your spokesperson, I recommend hiring a pirate with a diseased parrot." The Boss is holding a bag of money. He says to the pirate, "No?" The pirate responds, "We have standards."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lab accident, #sheep, #soft and warm, #form opinions, #want wool, #start shaving

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Dilbert is still a sheep. He says to The Boss, "A lab accident turned me into a sheep." Dilbert continues, "It's not all bad. In addition to being soft and warm, I never need to form opinions." Dilbert hands The Boss a wool shearer and continues, "If you want some wool, just grab me and start shaving. I'll barely struggle." The Boss responds, "Cool!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cash, #conflicts if interest, #corporate skin, #huge failures, #no red flags, #potential client, #track record

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A man with hair pointy like antennae approaches The Boss and says, "Hello, potential client. I'm a consultick." The consultick continues, "I'll burrow into your corporate skin, suck your cash and never leave." The consultick continues, "My firm has a track record of huge consulting failures and conflicts of interest!" The Boss thinks, "No red flags."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #upgarde, #pc operating systems, #stable environemnt, #applications, #form of taxation, #evil shadow government

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "We need to upgrade our PC operating systems, so we have a stable environment for applications." Dilbert continues, "Think of it as a form of taxation by an evil shadow government." The Boss responds, "Shadow government? That's ridiculous." The Boss' computer says, "Shut up and pay me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer diservice program, #tech supprt, #stretched telephone, #cleansed online support, #useful articles, #support groups, #train customers

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The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program." The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot." The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice." The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry." The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles." The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups." The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too." Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?" The Boss replies, "Sure." A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?" Wally responds, "You're doing it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #netwrok security, #buggy, #complicated, #user guide, #pure evil, #tech support dept, #chimp with typewriter, #strategy, #victims, #hair quiver, #consultants, #paid by hour

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Dogbert Consults. DOgbert: "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." The Boss: "What's the other strategy?" Dogbert: "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" The Boss: "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" Dogbert: "They're paid by the hour." The Boss: "QUIVER!!"