Crazy Talk Comic Strips - Page 9
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Dilbert, Alice, Wally and Asok sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss will be joining us by speakerphone." Alice tells Asok, "This is an important part of your engineering trainig, Asok." Asok asks, "What do I do?" Wally explains, "When Alice presses the mute button, you make witty and sarcastic remarks." The phone rings. The Boss says, "Hello, everyone. I'd like to talk about the new compensation plan." Alice presses a button and points to Asok. Asok says, "Tell us some lies, you ugly, two-faced, hypocritical troll!" Asok continues, "I am Asok the Intern and I spit on your feeble compensation plan!" Asok continues, "I've found stuff on the bottom of my shoe that was smarter than you!!" He laughs. Dilbert and Asok walk out of the conference room. Dilbert says, "Next time, a bit wittier . . . And make sure Alice really presses the mute button."
An attendant says to Dilbert, "This taxi is yours. Here's a description of how he'll cheat you." Dilbert sits in the back of the taxi cab and says, "It says you'll be running the meter despite the flat rate. Then you'll feign poor language skills when I question you." The driver looks crazy. Dilbert says, "I can't fault your efficiency, though." The driver hits a bicycle and a pedestrian.
Dilbert asks the Boss's secretary, "Carol, do you know why my raise hasn't showed up in my pay yet?" Carol replies, "I haven't submitted the paperwork." Carol says, "I'm too busy to do it. Maybe you should talk to my boss about getting me a secretary." Dilbert says, "Carol, YOU are the secretary." Carol replies, "That'll cost you another month."
Dilbert sits at his desk working and talking on the phone at the same time. The Boss asks, "Have you set up our off-site meeting so we can talk about how overworked you are?" The Boss continues, "I was thinking we should invite the reast of the staff, too. We can discuss our mission statement, maybe have a sack race." The Boss adds, "Did you know that if you're a state trooper, you can shoot any animal that's been hit by a car?"
Tina and Dilbert sit at a table eating lunch. Tina says, "I always fall for the wrong guys. I'm a jerk magnet." Dilbert says, "Tina, the turkey in your sandwich is already deceased. You don't have to talk it to death." Tina clenches her teeth and her fists. She thinks, "I must disguise my arousal." Dilbert says, "Hey, look! We're eating exactly the same quantities for lunch!"
Asok, Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Asok says, "Lately I've been feeling discouraged about my job." Alice says, "You should talk to our pointy-haired boss." Wally says, "That'll cheer you up." Asok says, "Maybe you're right. All I need is a little pep talk from our leader." He leaves the room. Alice, Dilbert and Wally laugh. Asok sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "You think YOU're discouraged . . ." The Boss continues, "I've been stuck in this dead-end job for years, grinding away, day after day." The Boss continues, "And all I have to show for it is high blood pressure and worthless stock options." Asok looks frightened. Dilbert and Wally stand behind Asok's desk. Dilbert says, "It's so gratifying to watch them grow up." Asok says into the telephone, "I need the number for Doctor Kevorkian."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dilbert is wearing a jogging suit and holds a Frisbee. He says, "I hate it when the title of a book gives away the whole plot." Dilbert throws the Frisbee. He says, "Take Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea." Geez, talk about leaving nothing to the imagination." The Frisbee lies on the ground. Dilbert says, "I guess the odds were very low that you would leap in the air and catch that." Dogbert replies, "I'm only here to be a chick magnet."
Dogbert is hosting a radio talkshow. He sits at the microphone. He says, "You're on the radio with Dogbert's "Bad Advice Show." How may I hurt you?" Women on the phone asks, "My boss asked me for a date. We're both married. What should I do?" Dogbert says, "Divorce your husband. He sounds like a loser to me." Women says, "Yes, yes it all makes sense when you explain it that way." Dogbert says, "Then mail a dead woodchuck to your boss with a note that says...." Dogbert is heard over the phone. Dogbert says, "Unlike this woodchuck my love for you will never die." Women says, "Thanks. I love your show." Dogbert says, "Moving on to household tips, did you know that black paint is an excellent stain remover?" Dilbert walks in with a huge black stain on his shirt. Dilbert says, "Can we talk?" Dogbert says, "And those are just SOME of the benefits of an all-cheese diet."
The Boss stands behind his desk and says to Asok who is seated in front, "...and that's your performance review. Any questions?" Asok the intern says, "You talked about yourself for the full hour. Can we talk about me?" The Boss says, "Okay. YOU don't seem to know that YOUR meeting is over when YOU see me stand up." Asok says, "ooh."
Dilbert sits on the couch, pointing the remote control at the tv. Dogbert stands on the arm of the couch wearing a backpack and holding a fly swatter. He says, "Wish me luck." Dilbert says, "For what?" Dogbert waves the swatter and says, "I'm going to find people who laugh nervously every time they talk. Then I'll smack them with my flyswatter." Dogbert walk away. Dilbert says, 'And the reason would be?" Dogbert says, "It wouldn't be a hobby if it had a reason."