Deliver Bad News Comic Strips - Page 9
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Share August 18, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says, "Marriage Counselor." A man and a woman sit across from him. Dogbert continues, "I recommend massive plastic surgery for both of you . . . And your personalities are bad, too; pretend to be other people." The man or the woman asks, "Should we try to communicate more?" Dogbert replies, "No, that's just begging for trouble."
Share September 14, 1992's comic on:
A large man behind a desk says to two overweight men, "We must use all of the resources of the 'Cow and Egg' lobby to counter the latest threat from the vegetarians." The man continues, "Somehow they've managed to link food with health . . . They invented a 'nutrition pyramid' chart and got schools to use it . . ." A teacher points to a chart and says, "Kids, this is a little different from the way I learned it . . ." Meat, milk and beer are at the top of the pyramid and are labeled "bad." The next levels on the pyramid are gravel, bugs; beans, tofu; fruits, vegetables; bread, cereal, grains.
Share September 18, 1992's comic on:
Ratbert and Dogbert walk toward each other on the sidewalk. Ratbert says, "Hey, Dogbert, everybody is talking about you at the lab." Dogbert asks, "Really?" Ratbert says, "The 'cow and egg' industry is going to discredit your vegetarian movement. They paid us to prove meat is healthy." Dogbert says, "What's your role?" Ratbert replies, "I play the rat who ironically chokes to death on a carrot during the news conference." Dogbert replies, "Great . . . I'll have to see that on CNN about a jillion times."
Share September 20, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. He hears, "Ha ha! Now spin on your head! Ha ha ha!" Dilbert walks into the room and sees an Elbonian standing on his head. He asks Dogbert, "What's going on here?" Dogbert replies, "This is Yergi. He's visiting from Elbonia." Dogbert explains, "The economy in Elbonia is so bad he only earns three dollars a month as a doctor." Dogbert continues, "It takes a year to earn enough for a pair of shoes . . . It takes TWO years for a pound of meat." Dogbert continues, "Philanthropist that I am, I offered to give him an old boot if he would act like my trained monkey for a week." Dilbert scolds, "Dogbert! I can't believe you would buy this man's dignity for an old boot!" Yergi says, "I plan to tell the kids it's a pound of meat." Dogbert says, "Quiet, Bobo."
Share September 25, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert sits across from a man behind a desk. Dogbert says, "I heard you're looking for a hit man to eliminate an inventor named Dilbert." Dogbert continues, "For a million dollars I can deliver his head on a platter." The man asks, "Does it have to be on a platter?" Dogbert replies, "I've tried using those Tupperware lettuce crispers, but it loses a lot of the drama."
Share September 27, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a desk under a sign that says, "Detective research on your potential romantic partner." A woman says, "I'm considering dating a man, but I'm worried." Dogbert asks, "What's his name?" The woman answers, "Bill . . . His name is Bill." Dogbert says, "Ahh . . . Bill . . . Yes, I know all about Bill." Dogbert continues, "Bill has a huge ego. All he thinks about is himself." Dogbert continues, "He has no emotional depth and he thinks of your conversations as mere chatter. He wants your body, not your mind." Dogbert continues, "Several times a day, Bill imagines himself with different women." The woman looks upset. The customer says, "Darn. This time I thought I'd found a normal guy." Dogbert says, "I have some really bad news for you."
Share October 09, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert and a man in a military uniform sit at the table. Dogbert says, "General, I don't understand why the government is trying to cover up all the U.F.O. encounters." The General replies, "People would lose faith in their government if they knew aliens were abducting people and we were helpless to stop them." Dogbert says, "So, to maintain confidence in the government, you use our taxes to kill the citizens who find out?" The General asks, "Is that so bad?"
Share November 26, 1992's comic on:
Beaver: When you're a lazy beaver, you try to find shortcuts and tricks to get your work done. I got this daytime planner to organize my day efficiently. But all it does is sit there. Dogbert: Looks like you got a bad one.
Share December 01, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert stands on a desk wearing a pair of antennae. A cameraman and two news reporters stand in front of him. Dogbert says into the microphones, "As my antennae clearly prove, I'm a space alien with incredible powers." At home, Dilbert sits in his chair watching Dogbert on tv. Dogbert says, "I call on the nations of the world to surrender. Otherwise, I will cause your stock markets to fall." Later, Dilbert and Dogbert watch television together. The newscaster says, "The market fell five points today. Analysts blame interest rates and aliens." Dogbert says, "Yes!"
Share December 02, 1992's comic on:
A television news reporter says into her microphone, "The leaders of the world met today to consider the demands of Dogbert the Space Alien." At the United Nations, a world leader says, "All in favor of letting the alien run the world raise your hand." The caption says, "Meanwhile in the translators' booth, a reckless prank is being played." Three translators with headsets sit at a table. One translator says, "He says, 'Who wants my parking space by the elevator?'"