Department Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

226 Results for Department

View 81 - 90 results for department comic strips. Discover the best "Department" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #deny request, #evil incarnate, #something specific, #dollar estimate, #value, #chair, #quantify job, #work tools

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert approaches a worker sitting at his desk. He is holding a piece of paper and says, "Why did the I.S. department deny my request for a P.C. upgrade?" The worker holds up his arms and shouts, "Because we are evil incarnate! BUWAHAHAHA!!" Dilbert says, "I was looking for something more specific." The worker holds out the paper and says, "You didn't provide a dollar estimate of the benefits." Dilbert says, "That's ridiculous. I can't put a value on every tool I need to do my job." The worker sits back in his chair with his arms folded and says, "If you can't quantify it, then it must not be necessary." Dilbert throws up his hands and says, "Then why does the company give me a chair? I can't quantify that either." Dilbert sits on the floor of his cubicle, without a chair. He thinks, "Here's one more reason why it stinks to be me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #late to meeting, #dept. meeting, #change name, #department name change

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally walks into a meeting. Asok, The Boss and Dilbert sit at the conference table. Wally says, "I got caught in traffic." The Boss says, "Let me recap what you missed. We spent the past hour deciding not to change the name of our department." Asok says, "You just inadvertently trained me to be late to all meetings." Wally smiles. The Boss says, "Oops."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #job interview, #name, #tubby, #human resources dept, #sent resume, #entrepreneur, #toby, #made up name, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption reads: "Catbert the Director of Human Resources." Catbert stands on the table in front of a prospective applicant. He says, "So, you want a job here, Tubby?" The man replies, "It's 'Toby.'" Catbert looks at the sheet of paper in his hand and asks, "Did you just correct me?" The man says, "Um..." Catbert turns and shouts at the man, "I alone will determine your name!!" Catbert looks at him and asks, "Now, what is your name?" The man answers, "Tubby." Catbert reads the paper and says, "Tubby, is it true that you're so dumb that you..." Catbert holds out the paper and continues, "...Sent your resume to the human resources department?" The man looks frightened as Catbert continues, "Do you think that's what this department does? Let me show you what I do." The man is seen walking down the hall, his clothes torn into shreds and looking beaten up. The man says, "I think I just became an entrepreneur."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #transfer sales dept, #scapegoat, #make useless pordcuts, #low sales, #good prodcuts, #perfect wrld

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, to the scapegoat, "I'm transferring you to the sales department, scapegoat." The boss says, "Then we can make useless products and blame you for our low sales." The scapegoat says, "Wouldn't it be better to make good products?" The boss says, "In a perfect world."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exiled, #quality assurance, #doomed career, #old dept., #engineering, #break time

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: im exiled yto the quality assurance department, My career is doomed. I can't let my old department forget me. They're my only hope of returning to engineering, It must be break time in the QA department, Wally: I'll get the fire hose,

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prospective client, #touring dept, #marketing department, #vacant cubicle, #pretending to work

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss stands in Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "A prospective client will be touring our marketing department in an hour." The boss says, "We need you to sit in a vacant cubicle so it looks as if work is done there." Dilbert sits in an empty cubicle pretending to type. a woman points and says, "Hey! that one is only pretending to work!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #found no problem, #our drinking water, #drink bottled water

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally and Dilbert are at a meeting. The Boss is holding a bottle of water. The Boss says, "Our safety department has tested our drinking water and found no problem." The Boss drinks the water. Wally says, "Then why do you drink only bottled water?" The Boss says, "Because that's what the safety department drinks."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reduce budget, #project is vital, #eliminate, #funny part

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Alice, who is seated in her cubicle, "Every department was asked how it could reduce its budget by ten percent." The Boss says, "Your project is vital to the future of the company, so I cleverly offered to eliminate it, knowing they couldn't accept." The Boss says, "Now this is the funny part..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #higher drag coefficient, #interns head, #quantify benefits, #knowledge management

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says to the Boss: "I've been asked to quantify the benefits of our knowledge management systems." She points to a photograph of an intern: "I measured our intern's head to see if it got bigger." She explains: "The higher drag coefficient means we lost a little in the sandwich-fetching department."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #idea, #change department name, #engineering, #similar idea, #marketing, #done, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally explains at a meeting: "My idea is to change our department name from engineering to..." He continues: "e-engineering." Wally says: "I'm working on a similar idea for marketing but it's not done yet."