Hard Data Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

507 Results for Hard Data

View 81 - 90 results for hard data comic strips. Discover the best "Hard Data" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #talc club, #rise, #next level shale, #respect, #aluminum

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert shows Dogbert a ring and says, "As you can see from my ring, I'm a member of the 'Talc Club' at work." Dilbert continues, "With hard work and a bit of luck I will rise to the next level: shale." Dogbert says, "I can honestly say my respect for you has never been higher." Dilbert says, "Someday, God willing, I'll make it to aluminum."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #update objectives, #need targets, #hard work, #support management, #picture

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits at her desk. The Boss says, "It's time for me to update your objectives, Alice." The Boss continues, "We need targets that can only be achieved by amazingly hard work plus the constant support of management." The Boss says, "I'm busy, so you'll have to write them yourself." Alice asks, "What's wrong with this picture?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #layoff list, #Wally, #claimed chair, #few minutes ago, #hard on survivors

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted says to Wally, "I hear you're on the layoff list, Wally. Has anyone claimed your chair yet?" A man says, "I claimed it a few minutes ago." Ted yells, "Liar!" As the two men fight, Wally says, "I guess it's true what they say about layoffs being hard on the survivors."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new data encryption, #phb, #pointy haired boss, #converts email, #manager babble, #carry pepper spray, #supermodel

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk and tells Dogbert, "I invented a new data encryption program called P.H.B. which stands for Pointy-Haired Boss." Dilbert explains, "It converts e-mail into manager babble. Nobody can intercept and decode my private messages without the key." Dogbert asks, "Who would want to read YOUR messages?" Dilbert says, "Somebody MIGHT want to read my messages. It could happen!" Dogbert says, "And maybe you should carry pepper spray in case supermodels try to kiss you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #both dead, #doing nothing, #hundred years, #spread joy, #whats funny, #working hard, #ratbert, #Dilbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert walks across Dilbert's desk and says, "You know what's funny? I'll tell you." Ratbert continues, "You're working hard. I'm doing nothing. In a hundred years we'll both be dead." Dilbert says angrily, "You might not need to wait that long." Ratbert says as he walks away, "I think I'll spread some joy over this way."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decided, #start smoking, #add interesting edge, #personality, #need help, #personal magnetism, #erase hard drive, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally tells Alice, "I've decided to start smoking. I'll be able to take more breaks that way." Wally continues, "And frankly, I'm hoping it will add an interesting edge to my personality and help me socially." Alice reaches into a box. Wally continues, "Not that I need any help." Alice says, "I can only pray that your personal magnetism won't erase my hard drive."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ratbert, #corporate trainer, #class, #sharing segment, #grim downsizer

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert stands on a chair and says, "Let's go around the room and say who we are and what we hope to get out of the class." The Grim Reaper, Wally, a man and a woman sit at a conference table. The Grim Reaper says, "I'm the Grim Downsizer. I'm here to decruit the entire training department plus all of the people who have time to attend classes." Wally says, "My name is Dilbert. I'm here in place of Wally who is working hard to build a better tomorrow." The man next to Wally says, "I'm somebody else too." The Grim Reaper says, "Nice try."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer support, #elbonian data base, #expensive consultant, #five hundred dollars, #meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Alice, Ratbert, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're going to replace our computer support systems with the Elbonian database product." The Boss gestures toward Ratbert and continues, "It's risky, but don't worry. I've hired an outrageously expensive consultant who has never done this before." Ratbert says to Wally, "I earned five hundred dollars just coming to this meeting. How's YOUR day going?" Wally replies, "It won't make my top ten."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ntern, #elbonian data base, #installing, #bad movies, #password

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert sits at a desk. Asok stands behind him and asks, "I am only an intern, but may I make a suggestion?" Asok says, "The Elbonian database system you're installing for our company will never work . . . Unless I rewrite the entire thing with just six keystrokes . . . Done." Ratbert says, "I thought this was only possible in bad movies." Asok says, "Hey, let's hack into NATO's system. I can guess their password in three tries."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfromance review, #napping, #key board face, #qwertytis, #working hard

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to Dilbert, "Wish me luck. I'm off to get my performance review." Dilbert says, "Have you been napping? You've got a bad case of keyboard face." Wally has several indentations on his cheek. The Boss asks Wally, "What's wrong with your face?" Wally replies, "I have Qwertytis. It's from working too hard."