Hello Cluless Comic Strips - Page 9
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103 Results for Hello Cluless
View 81 - 90 results for hello cluless comic strips. Discover the best "Hello Cluless" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday October 13,
2007
Tags #targeted for elimination, #rumor campaign, #convince eevryone, #dishonest incompetenet, #wasn't hugged enough
Transcript
Alice: Hello, Keith. you're the next coworker I have targeted for elimination. I'll be using a rumor campaign to convince everyone you are dishonest and incompetent. Keith: Why??? Alice: Do I need a reason? Dilbert: we think she wasn't hugged enough.
Monday June 30,
2008
Tags #particle accelerator, #paul dirac, #antiworld
Transcript
Dogbert says, "Whatcha got going there?" Dilbert says, "It's a particle accelerator?" Dilbert says, "I'm looking for evidence of the antiworld that physicist Paul Dirac predicted in 1930." Another Dilbert says, "Hello, handsome!"
Thursday September 04,
2008
Tags #ghost, #popular employee, #better job, #spirit, #kill with kindness, #compariosn, #attacks ghost
Transcript
A ghost says, "Hello, Alice. I'm the ghost of the popular employee who once did your function." The ghost says, "My body has gone to a better job, but my spirit remains to remind everyone how mean you are in comparison." The ghost says, "Nice try, but you can only kill me with kindness." Alice says, "Gaaa! Gaaa! Gaaa!"
Sunday December 28,
2008
Tags #Advice, #buzzing of flies, #channel irrational impulse, #coffe machine broken, #confusion, #ignoring, #intern, #nervousness, #talking, #thirst for coffeee, #vp of engineering
Transcript
Asok thinks, "It's our vice president of engineering." Asok says, "Hello. I am Asok the intern, may I tell you about an idea I have?" Wally says, "Vice presidents can't hear us, Asok. To them, our voices sound like the faint buzzing of flies." Wally says, "If you want to give him your idea you have to do it indirectly." Wally says, "Tell someone who knows someone, who know's someone else, who knows the vice president." Wally says, "Or do what I do and channel your irrational impulse to be useful into an unquenchable thirst for coffee." Asok says, "So...What are you helping me?" Wally says, "The coffee machine is broken."
Monday August 03,
2009
Tags #therapy, #ignoring, #lying down, #thinking, #complaining, #writing, #psychology
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I multitask during conference calls." Dilbert says, "Is it wrong to value my own productivity over the inane babbling of others?" Therapist thinks, "Buy bread?Pickles?Light bulbs?" Dilbert says, "Hello?"
Friday October 16,
2009
Tags #complaining, #assignment, #partner, #annoyed, #calling, #human resources, #frustrated, #angry, #offended, #business
Transcript
the Boss says, "Alice, I'd like you to work with Ted on this project." Alice says, "Ted's a drama queen. Working with him will just slow me down." Ted says, "Hello? Human resources? Alice is being a bully." Alice says, "And so it begins."
Sunday December 06,
2009
Tags #cold-calling, #sales, #engineer, #threatening, #fire, #closing, #economy, #business, #engineering
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Sales have been lagging" Dogbert says, "I want each of you to cold-call ten customers per day." Alice says, "We're engineers. We don't know how to sell." Dogbert says, "Just follow this script. It's guaranteed to close every sale." Dilbert says, "Hello. I'm calling on behalf of the police and firefighter's charity for unattractive youths." Dilbert says, "If you send us $500 we will send you a lovely piece of software as a thank you gift." Dilbert says, "Otherwisem when your house catches on fire, you might find yourself handcuffed to the refrigerator." Mom says, "Dilbert? Is that you?" Dilbert says, "Hi, mom. I'm in sales now."
Sunday January 03,
2010
Tags #human resources, #ergonomics, #bad posture, #golem, #boneless chicken, #business
Transcript
Man says, "Hello, Wally. Human resources assigned me to be your ergo buddy." Wally says, "My what?" Man says, "I'll observe while you work. Then give you suggestions on improving your ergonomics." Man says, "Your posture is all wrong, and your keyboard needs to be lower." Man says, "Your bad ergonomic practices have turned you into a golem." Wally says, "Golem?" Man says, "It means a shapeless mass imbued with life. A lump. Clod, or fool." Man says, "It's right here on my checklist. After "Boneless chicken." Wally says, "Does that say you're supposed to pour salt on me until I dry up and die?" Man says, "Let's pretend you didn't see that."
Wednesday November 24,
2010
Tags #computer, #headset, #marketing research, #social security number, #bank pin, #maiden name, #poverty, #identity theft, #technology
Transcript
Dogbert says, "Hello, this is the Dogbert Market Research Company. May I ask you some totally harmless questions?" Dogbert says, "What is your social security number, bank pin number and mother's maiden name?" Dilbert says, "What exactly are you researching?" Dogbert says, "Poverty rates. I'm shooting for 100%."
Saturday January 14,
2012
Tags #babies, #complaining, #human resources, #evil director, #discriminates, #short, #bald, #near sighted, #born this way, #business
Transcript
Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.