Hundreds Of Hour Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for hundreds of hour comic strips. Discover the best "Hundreds Of Hour" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2003's comic on:


Tags #customers current, #future needs, #new design, #need to upgrade, #flaws in design, #flaws, #inetrface, #confounding, #crippling electric shocks, #guy with mullet, #marketing, #business

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "My new design will meet all of our customers' current and future needs." The Boss is sitting with two board members, one male and one female. The male board member says, "That's no good; they'll never need to upgrade." Dilbert responds, "Please don't ask me to put flaws in my design." The Boss says, "Flaws could work." The male board member says, "We need flaws." The female board member says, "Flaws, flaws, flaws." Dilbert grabs his tie in fear and says, "Please.... No....." The Boss says, "Make it freeze every hour." The male board member says, "The interface needs to be more confounding." The female board member raises her finger and says, "And..." Headline: Later. Dilbert is on the floor begging, "Please... No more." A voice from the meeting continues, "... And crippling electric shocks." Headline: Much, much later. The Boss says, "The help screen could recommend marrying an unemployed, shirtless guy with a mullet." The male board member responds, "That's marketing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2003's comic on:


Tags #abuse, #audio menu system, #freezing, #love problem, #low level technician, #same questions, #too much optimism, #waited in que, #tech support

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Dogbert is sitting at a computer. He says into a telephone headset, "This is Dogbert's Tech Support. How may I abuse you?" The customer on the other end of the line responds, "Finally!! It took me an hour to penetrate your inscrutable audio menu system!" The customer continues, "Then I waited in queue for forty minutes!" The customer says, "My problem is that my computer keeps freezing..." Dogbert's voice interrupts him, "Not so fast." Dogbert says, "I need to know your name, address, phone number, operating system, e-mail address, serial numbers, software versions and video drivers." The customer clenches his teeth and shakes his fist as Dogbert's voice continues, "Then I'll put you in queue for the low-level technician who can only tell you to reboot." Dogbert continues, "He'll ask you the same questions for reasons that will baffle you." The customer asks, "But eventually you'll solve my problem, right?" Dogbert's voice replies, "Sure, if your problem is too much optimism."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2003's comic on:


Tags #disgruntled employees, #open door policy, #rush hour, #safely dropped, #traffic, #trap door, #eliminate whiners

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Catbert points to a drawing and says to The Boss, "The trap door will work with your 'open door policy' to eliminate whiners." Catbert continues, "Disgruntled employees will be safely dropped into rush hour traffic." The Boss is lying face down in a snowy street. Cars are passing him by. The Boss thinks, "I need to remember that's there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2003's comic on:


Tags #two hour presentation, #incomprehensible, #powre point, #disability, #content

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"That concludes my two-hour presentation. Any questions?" "Did you intend the presentation to be incomprehenisble, or do you have some sort of rare 'powerpoint' disability." "Are there any questions about the content?" "There was content?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2003's comic on:


Tags #charging hours to project, #one meeting, #one hour, #extensive preparation, #evaluated, #57 hours, #sat quiet, #charging

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"Wally, why have you been charging all of your hours to my project?" "I invited you to one meeting. It lasted one hour." "Do you think I would go to a meeting without extensive preparation?" "Okay.. that's another hour." "How many more do you need explained?" "Fifty-eight." "After the meeting, I sat quietly and evaluated what everyone said. That took fity-seven hours." "Ha! You're still an hour short. Explain THAT!" "Do you mind if I sit quietly and think about that question for a while?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #netwrok security, #buggy, #complicated, #user guide, #pure evil, #tech support dept, #chimp with typewriter, #strategy, #victims, #hair quiver, #consultants, #paid by hour

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Dogbert Consults. DOgbert: "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." The Boss: "What's the other strategy?" Dogbert: "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" The Boss: "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" Dogbert: "They're paid by the hour." The Boss: "QUIVER!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2003's comic on:


Tags #top down budget, #bottom up budget, #ignorance, #cruelty, #lying, #optimism, #cancel, #wasted hour

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Man: "I averaged the top-down budget with the bottom-up budget." "As you can see, the ignorance and cruelty canceled out the lying and optimism." Alice: "Do you have anything to cancel out feelings of a wasted hour?" Man: "Have you tried despair?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2003's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #downsized candidate, #alice glad, #boss thanks wally, #ride to church, #on good side

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alice: "Wally, I'm glad we work in the same department." "Because your performance is so bad that you'll be downsized first." "You're like a buffer. As long as you're still here, my job is safe." "And there's nothing you can do to change the situation." The Boss: "Wally, do you mind giving my family a ride to church again this week?" Wally: "No problem." The Boss: "It's nice that you joined my church even though you live an hour away." "And I wouldn't say no to those tasty bagels you always bring for the ride." Alice: "GAAA!!!" The Boss: "Oh... I didn't see you sneak up on me, Heathen.. I mean Alice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2003's comic on:


Tags #lawyer, #400 per hour, #calls dilbert, #legal

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Hello. "This is your lawyer." Lawyer: "Do you mind if I think about you for a few minutes?" "Um... no." "Mmm... $400 an hour." Dilbert: "Wait.. dear lord... noooo!!!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2003's comic on:


Tags #intern, #cheap boss, #full size cubicle, #half size, #cubicle, #treats poorly, #no budget, #garbage can, #misunderstand

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Asok: "May I move to one of the empty cubicles?" The Boss: "Those are full-size cubicles; interns get half-size cubicles." Asok: "Yes... ordinarily, but there are hundreds of vacant cubicles because of downsizing." The Boss: "I'm not following you." Asok: "They're EMPTY! They will never be occupied. I want to use one." The Boss: "We don't have the budget to turn a full-size cubicle into a half-size cubicle just for you." "GAAA!!! That's not what I... never mind! Forget it!" "Furthermore, I do not believe this is a half-size cubicle."