Irrelevant Things Said Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for irrelevant things said comic strips. Discover the best "Irrelevant Things Said" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #about co workers, #donuts, #get prompted, #say bad things, #weight, #woman, #medical

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DOGBERT: If you want to get promoted , say bad things about co workers so you look better by comparison. Dilbert: Geez, Lisa, It looks like you've been hotting the donuts pretty hard lately. Dilbert: heh-hehe...big things are coming my way soon.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #top priority, #last month, #dated

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The Boss: Take care of this immediately. It's your top priority. Dilbert: Top Priority?? This is dated last month, Its been on your desk for weeks and now its your top priority?? The Boss: I said its your top priority. I still don't care about it, Dilbert: well...okay the,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert consulting, #liver, #slab of liver, #harvard mba, #good debaters, #brains wrapped

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"When I hired the 'Dogbert Consulting Company' he said his consultants were so smart they had to wrap their brains around their torsos." "But that looks like a slab of liver." "This slab of liver has an MBA from Harvard, you pointy-haired fool!!" "Wow, you guys are good debaters."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pretending, #personal lives, #interested, #management technique, #job satisfaction, #more money, #boost intangible benefits, #chisel away, #salaries, #families, #wife divorced, #job lowers self esteem, #attract mate, #said hello

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"Hi guys, how are your families?" "?" "?" "Why are you pretending to be interested in our personal lives?" "It's a management technique to increase your job satisfaction without giving you more money." "My plan is to boost your intangible benefits while continuing to chisel away at your salaries." "But enough about me...how are those families of yours?" "My wife divorced me because you make me work so many hours." "This job lowers my self-esteem too much to attract a mate." "Tell them I said 'hi'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #change project, #actual knowledge, #changes, #voicemail

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The Boss: "We just had a meeting and decided to change your project substantially." "We didn't invite you to the meeting because things go smoother when nobody has any actual knowledge." Dilbert: "So, what are the changes?" The Boss: "If I remember, I'll leave you a voice mail."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rattus not rat, #genus, #larger community, #squeak, #forgot to laugh, #so funny

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"From now on, Bob please refer to me as a 'rattus', not by the diminutive term 'rat'." "Frankly, I've never thought of folks like you in terms of your genus. I see you as part of a larger community." "Really?" "Yeah - the community of things that go 'sqeak' when I step on them." "That's so funny I forgot to laugh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new career, #technology pundit, #columnist, #angry opinions

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Dogbert: I'm starting a new career as a technology pundit and columnist. This mostly involves forming angry opinions about things I haven't got the time to understand. Is the RISC processor appropriate for señor citizens? hello!! Is anybody home?!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #genetic research, #clone, #obedient slaves, #conquer, #world dominion, #living things, #work on giant cucumbers, #arms and legs

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Genetic research Dogbert: Id like you to clone an army of obedient slaves for me, I plan to conquer the world and have dominion over all living things. scientist: I mostly work on giant cucumbers. Dogbert: Mix in some arms and legs and give me two packages of seeds.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #acute, #acute design flaw, #crucial, #feminist questions word, #other monitor, #poor choice, #sexist puns, #word means, #words, #apology

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Dilbert: The image ins fuzzy because the monitor has an acute design flaw. Tina: Acute? Thats an unusual choice of words. Would you have said "acute" to a mle co worker? I think not. Dilbert: It means crucial, thats all. Tina: I know what the word means! Do you think UI odnt see right through your sexist puns? Dilbert: No! I swear . it was just a poor choice of words!! Tina: Well...okay. I accept your apology this time. So whats wrong with the other monitor? dilbert: which?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complicated, #create chart, #decision process, #plan, #question, #talking about chart, #wasting money

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"This chart shows the decision process we're using for my project." "Here we're wasting money. Then someone said, 'hey, let's create a complicated chart.' Now we're at this meeting, talking about the chart." "I have a question." "Great...there goes the plan."