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Dogbert: What is the key to success? CEO: Hire the right employees! Dogbert: How do you know you hired the right ones? CEO: You know because the business is successful. Dogbert: So the key to success is circular reasoning? CEO: Yes, because circular reasoning is the key.
Boss: The key to great leadership is setting clear expectations and periodically revising them as conditions change. Dilbert: If you plan to revise expectations, that tells me you know them to be faulty now. Boss: Maybe. Wally: Stop inspiring me so much.
Boss: The key to career success is finding your special gift. Wally: My special gift is getting paid for doing nothing but babbling jargon. Boss: Maybe I should lead by example. Wally: Maybe you already did.
CEO: The key to success is to follow your instinct. Alice: My instinct tells me to slap you until you stop babbling nonsense. CEO: Please don't do that. Alice: Relax. I have a good feeling about it.
Catbert: This report says you slapped our CEO senseless after he said they key to success is following your instinct. Alice: I was following my instinct. I was also being passionate, engaged, and creative. Catbert: Apparently the things you say actually mean stuff. CEO: How was I to know!
Boss: The key to leadership is setting vague goals that are a combination of jargon and wishful thinking. That way, I can keep dumping work on you without hearing you whine that it doesn't fit with your goals. You have to admit, my system is better than whatever you're doing over there. Dilbert: Yup.
Boss: The key to success is ignoring the people who say it can't be done. Dilbert: What if they're all right? Boss: They aren't right! Dilbert: Really? Other people are never right? Boss: You have to trust your gut! Dilbert: My gut is telling me that everything your're saying is ridiculous. It also says it wants a sandwich right now. I'd stay, but I'm putting my gut in charge of my decisions. Wally: My gut sends me messages in Morse code. Here comes one now.
Asok: I'm reading a book that says the key to success is networking with successful people. CEO: Did you get to the chapter where it says successful people should avoid all contact with losers? Asok: It seems we have a standoff. CEO: Security.
Wally: Asok, the key to success is not caring what others think of you. Coincidentally, that is also the key to being totally useless. The important thing is that other people can't tell which way you're hoping it goes.