Least Reason To Live Comic Strips - Page 9

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401 Results for Least Reason To Live

View 81 - 90 results for least reason to live comic strips. Discover the best "Least Reason To Live" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #potluck lunch, #bring bags, #salt, #ice, #beverage, #mineral water

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Alice: We've reached a new low in the 'potluck lunch' sign-up. Twelve people signed up to bring bags of ice and one person is bringing slat. I need one of you at least bring a beverage. Wally: Put me down for one bag of sparkling mineral water.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #voice controlled computer, #envious, #mouse driven, #color printer denied, #delete a file, #curses

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wally: "?" Dilbert: "Expand...window." Wally: "Well, look who got a voice-controlled computer." Dilbert: "Insert...column." wally: "If I were a lesser engineer I might be envious." dilbert: "Add...row." Wally: "I don't mind using my prehistoric mouse-driven computer." "And I'm not bitter about my request for a color printer being denied." "At least I won't work all day then accidently..." "DELETE...A FILE!!" Dilbert: "#!@%%&" Wally: "Please...not in front of the computer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #imagine, #being a woman, #men in training, #people acknowledge, #can't find keys, #blouse falls off, #distorted view, #misogyny

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"In this sensitivity excercise, close your eyes and imagine how it feels to be a woman." "People acknowledge my existence. They smile for no reason and hold hte door open. I'm ...I'm popular." "I can't find my keys." "I'm never going back. I can't. I won't." "My blouse falls to the floor..." "Break! Break!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer, #shut down factory, #ethical, #make film, #empowered, #more women in management, #down for day, #ego booster, #endangered bird, #parking lot, #engineering

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"From now on, any engineer can shut down our factory for any reason." "Later we'll film a commercial about how ethical and empowered you are." "Ha! Give me a raise, Tubby, or the factory's going down!" "You can't shut it down, I'm shutting it down until more women are in top management." "I'd like to shut it down for a day, just as an ego booster. Is Tuesday good?" "Didn't any of you hear that there's an endangered bird living in the parking lot??" "I think I parked on it this morning." "Can we get back to the point?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prepare reports, #outsourced jobs, #write report, #outsourcing, #illogical

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The Boss: "I want all of you to prepare reports explaining why your jobs shouldn't be outsourced to consultants." "It is my job to write this report. But if I were a consultant it would make no sense to compare me to myself. Outsourcing is illogical." "For some reason, I'm not taking as much pride in my work lately."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bigger portion, #success of team, #pay depends on coworkers, #priorities change

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're changing the salary plan to make a bigger portion depend on the success of the team." The Boss continues, "We reason that if your pay depends on the success of co-workers, then your priorities will change." Wally and Dilbert look at each other. Wally and Dilbert stand by the printer. Wally looks at a document and says, "Now THAT'S a pretty resume!" Dilbert says, "Stop hogging the good printer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bring strangers in, #test product, #strangers are stupid, #good candy

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The Boss, Dilbert and a man with an eye patch sit at a conference table. The man says, "Sure, we could bring some strangers in to test out product for ease of use . . ." The man continues, "But that could take all afternoon and cost at least a hundred dollars." The man continues, "And all it proves is strangers are stupid." The Boss says, "Sometimes they have good candy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #united charity, #least valuable member, #honesty, #best plocy

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The Boss stands with his arm on Wally's shoulder. The Boss says, "Congratulations, Wally. I've selected you to head up our campaign for 'United Charity.'" The Boss says, "I chose you not only because you're the least valuable member of our group, but also because you're so darn pitiful." Wally looks distraught and clutches his tie. The Boss walks away thinking, "Honesty is the best policy unless it's being done to you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #protects webs prodcuts, #engineer, #pads schedule, #six months, #build prodcut, #play doom, #computer, #add people, #tiny empire, #eighteen months, #sales people, #irrational desire, #beta test, #technology, #engineering

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Dogbert holds a pointer and stands next to the caption, "How Nature Protects Weak Products." The caption says, "First, the engineer pads his schedule." Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "Six months?" Dilbert replies, "At least." Dilbert thinks, "One month to build the product and five months to play 'Doom' on my computer." The caption says, "Then the manager pads the schedule as a clever negotiating ploy." The Boss tells an executive, "One year . . . Unless you add people to my tiny empire." The caption says, "Then the vice president pads the schedule to avoid looking bad to the president." The VP kisses the president's toes and says, "Eighteen months." The caption says, "Meanwhile, the sales people are making up numbers because nobody tells them anything." A man tells a woman, "Two months . . . And it solves every problem you have!" The caption says, "This causes the customers to develop irrational desire for the product." A woman says into the phone, "Give me the 'beta' test version in one month." The caption says, "Thus nature disguises weak products as 'beta.'" The woman looks at a device and says, "Cardboard? That's stupid." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Then it's beta."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sell comapny, #very discriminating, #hate people, #laws to protect, #lazy but funny

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Dogbert stands on a desk and addresses Wally, Dilbert and the Boss. Dogbert says, "I've decided to sell the company for a huge profit. I found some very discriminating buyers." Wally asks Dogbert, "When you say discriminating, you mean . . . ?" Dogbert answers, "They hate people from this country." Wally says to Dilbert, "It's okay. We have laws to protect us." One Elbonian says to the other, "They're lazy, but at least they're funny!" The other laughs, "Hee hee." The Boss looks shocked.