Managers Comic Strips - Page 9
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Character
596 Results for Managers
View 81 - 90 results for managers comic strips. Discover the best "Managers" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 21,
2011
Tags managers & supervisors, questioning, suspicion, schedule meetings, excuse, do nothing, disbelief, scheduling meetings, business
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask Carol to help me schedule these meetings? Boss: Ooh... that's no good. She'd use it as an excuse to do absolutely nothing else for a week. Dilbert: Is it okay if I just stare at you in disbelief? Boss: Shouldn't you be scheduling some meetings?
Monday June 27,
2011
Tags direction, managers, increase clairty, whining
Transcript
CEO: employees keep whining that we don't have a clear direction. So Ive doubled the number of managers one each group to increase the clarity. The Boss: I thought we were doubling the direction. No, we're doubling the clarity.
Friday July 22,
2011
Tags ignorance (knowledge), interviews, managers, dumb decions, particpate
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm doing a study to find out which managers make dumb decisions. Would you like to participate? Boss: I don't see why not. Dogbert: And we're done.
Sunday June 10,
2012
Tags better job, goldilocks zone, managers, marinate in own stench, monster, skills expire, technology certifictae, training, your training
Transcript
Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.
Tuesday July 31,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, multitasking, ignorant bafoon, coffee, authority, business
Transcript
Carol: I can't finish everything today. Boss: Try multitasking. Carol: Multitasking? Is that like being an ignorant baboon and drinking coffee at the same time? Boss: I missed what you said because I was drinking coffee.
Friday August 03,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, work all night, inspiring employees, clearly defined roles, business
Transcript
Boss: We'll finish this project even if we have to work all night! Well, I just did my job of inspiring you, so I might as well go home. How do you like our clearly defined roles now?
Sunday August 19,
2012
Tags absent mindedness, cruelty, managers & supervisors, entrpenuer, bullying, lying, manipulation, verbal abuse, huge jerk, biograophy, business
Transcript
Dogbert: You need to act more like an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs make decisions that will end in failure 90% of the time. They motivate people through bullying, lying, manipulation and verbal abuse. Entrepreneurs make their employees work so many hours that their personal lives and their bodies fall apart. Boss: I've been doing all that stuff for years. Dogbert: Has it worked? Boss: No. Dogbert: Well, in that case, you're not an entrepreneur. You're just a huge jerk. Boss: Is that why no one is writing my biography?
Tuesday August 21,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, tailored style, each employee, pool cue, leadership is guessing, business
Transcript
Boss: A good manager tailors his leadership style to fit each employee. In your case, I think the best approach involves poling you with a sharpened pool cue. To be perfectly honest, a big part of leadership is guessing.
Sunday August 26,
2012
Tags employees, managers & supervisors, money, raise, higher pay, income higher, boss salary, intuition, business
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?
Wednesday August 29,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, prosperity, intuition, market research, success rate, binary choices, tiny manager, made of copper, business
Transcript
Boss: From now on, I'm going to rely on my intuition instead of market research. Dilbert: If guessing can bring your success rate up to 50% for binary choices, I'm all for it. Hey, look! I found a tiny manager made of copper in my pocket!


