Methods Against Me Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

157 Results for Methods Against Me

View 81 - 90 results for methods against me comic strips. Discover the best "Methods Against Me" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #drop lawsuit, #fight dirty, #dispatch goons, #billy blanks on ur butt, #mother, #dilmom, #suing company, #Family

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert's mom is cooking dinner. Dilbert says to her, "Mom, you have to drop your lawsuit against my company. They fight dirty." Dilbert's mom swings around and exclaims, "Bring 'em on! I've been watching my 'Tae Bo' videos! I'll dispatch their goons to hell!" Dilbert says, "They sent me. I'm their goon." Dilbert's mom waves her arms in the air and says, "After dinner, I'm going Billy Bonkers on your butt!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #get fired, #mother, #drop lawsuit, #despicable wesels, #enjoy challenge, #demand dna test, #Family

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and his mom are eating dinner. Dilbert says, "Mom, I'll get fired unless you drop your lawsuit against my company." Dilbert's mom replies, "Why do you work for a company that's managed by despicable weasels?" Dilbert responds, "They tell me it's because I enjoy the challenge." Dilbert's mom says, "I demand a DNA test."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scale back, #new brochure, #diplomatic immunity, #current, #future felonies, #poetic licence, #motor oil, #root beer

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss and Dilbert are looking at the new product brochure. Dilbert says, "We might want to scale back some of the claims in our new brochure." The Boss asks, "Which ones?" Dilbert responds, "For example, where it says, 'provides diplomatic immunity against all current and future felonies.'" The Boss says, "That's just poetic license." Dilbert reads, "Turn used motor oil into root beer."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management retreat, #hawaii, #how many employees, #down size, #pay of trip, #against helicopter ride

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "The management retreat in Hawaii was productive." "We calculated how many employees we needed to downsize to pay for the trip." Ted: "Don't blame me, Ted. I voted against the third helicopter ride."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #retired, #do anything, #all day long, #banging head, #earn money, #social infrastructure, #warm, #tingly, #sensation, #guilty

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "It's nice to be retired. I'll do a-a-anything I want to do all day long." "I guess you'll be banging your head against a wall today, trying to earn money for the social infrastructure." Dilbert: "Do you ever feel guilty?" Dogbert: "Is it a warm, tingly sensation that makes you wag?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office relocation, #studied boss, #learned methods, #corner you, #scream about bright light

View Transcript

Transcript

"I am in charge of the office relocation project, also known as O.R.P." "I have never managed anything, but I have studied our boss to learn his methods." "Let's see.. step one, I corner you. Step two, I talk until you scream about seeing a bright light."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #defend against lawsuits, #records retention policy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "To defend lawsuits, our records retention policy has been updated to include this..." Bam! The Boss: "What was I talking about?" Wally: "The records retention policy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date co owrker, #anything has pulse, #bed judgement, #restraining orders

View Transcript

Transcript

"Should I date a coworker?" "You should date anything that has a pulse, bad judgement and no restraining orders against you." "But she has to be hot." "Settle for "still warm.""

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #campiagn, #employee happiness, #forbidden fruit, #no dating emplyees, #date each other

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources AS part of my ongoing campaign against employee happiness.." "Employees are not allowed to date each other." "Now you're forbidden fruit...yummmy." "Stay back, rule-breaker."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ex employee, #named ted, #company policy, #weather, #moving lazily

View Transcript

Transcript

"Hi. I'm calling to check the references of your ex-employee named Ted." "We have a company policy against giving references. But I'd be happy to discuss the weather with you." "Okay." "The clouds are moving lazily across the sky, and everyone thinks they're stupid."