Named Ted Comic Strips - Page 9
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Character
514 Results for Named Ted
View 81 - 90 results for named ted comic strips. Discover the best "Named Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday August 11,
1994
Tags #tough year, #special team, #much smaller team
Transcript
"This will be a tough year for the company." "It will take a special kind of team to get by." "Go team!" "Team! Team!" "Yes!" "Specifically, it will take a much smaller team."
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Sunday August 14,
1994
Tags #boyfriend/girlfreind, #buddies, #close freinds, #friends explined, #mans best freind, #platonic friends, #work friends
Transcript
"Friends Explained" "A Very Special 'Dilbert'." "Close friends." "May I borrow your gum?" "Sure, reach in and take what you need." "Buddies" "May I borrow your hammer?" "Why not use your forehead as usual?" "Work Friends" "So, how's your wife?" "Dead, same as last week." "Boyfriend/girlfriend (stereotypical view)" "Love." "Lust." "Boyfriend/girlfriend (modern correct view)" "Lust." "Television." "Platonic friends" "Television?" "Lust." "Man's Best Friend" "By my estimate there are 2.6 billion females who do NOT desire you." "Name them."
Thursday September 22,
1994
Tags #beat it out, #changing mind, #engineering, #goons, #project requirements, #thoughts, #won't share, #meditation
Transcript
Ted: The project requirements are forming in my mind. Now there changing ....changing...changing...changing...okay ...no, wait ,,,,changing ...changing...done. Ted: Naturally, Wont be sharing any of these thoughts with engineering. Dilbert: I budgeted for some goons to beat it out of you.
Monday September 26,
1994
Tags #saint dogbert, #priority matrix, #agenda
Transcript
"I invited Saint Dogbert to bludgeon anybody who strays from the agenda into something stupid." "That reminds me of the productization of our Tiger Team's priority matrix." "Actually, that was on the agenda." "Oops. Carry on."
Sunday October 09,
1994
Tags #ask dilbert, #attractive, #bad hair, #engineers can't lie, #hairdo, #insults woman, #make ship date, #technical questions, #truth, #bugs are features
Transcript
"I brought Dilbert, in case you have any technical questions about our product." "Heh-heh...engineers don't know how to lie. The truth will be mine." "Uh-oh." "Ted said your product is bug-free. Is that true Dilbert?" "Well, yes, that's true." "I mean, basically true. Technicaly true. Sort of." "No-o-o!! It's a lie! All the bugs were reclassified as security features just to make the ship date!!" "And we both think you could be attractive if you'd just do SOMETHING with your hair." "Why did I bring you along?" "The evidence suggests that you're stupid."
Monday October 10,
1994
Tags #sales, #two years, #sudden surge, #business case apporved, #get promoted, #accountability, #business
Transcript
Ted: I predict sales to be nothing for two years and then take a sudden surge. Dilbert: Why? Ted: The surge was added so I could get the business case approved. The two -year lag gives me time to get promoted. Dilbert: What about accountability? Dilbert: thats where you come in.
Tuesday October 18,
1994
Tags #board room, #fire employees, #no employees, #task force, #competitors, #white rumps
Transcript
EXECUTIVE BOARD ROOM TED: our competitors are kicking our pasty white rumps. Ted: Im bringing in dogcart to fire employees until we're stronger than the competition. Man: How will the work get done with no employees? Ted: Id better form a test force to study that.
Thursday October 20,
1994
Tags #dress codes don't apply, #fireing, #hire back, #more money, #reverence package, #telecommute, #two weeks vaction
Transcript
"Great news -- You're fired!" "You get a generous severance package, two weeks' vacation, AND we hire you back as a contractor for more money!!" "And I can telecommute if I want, but since dress codes don't apply to me..." "Aargh!" "Bonk, Bonk"
Friday October 21,
1994
Tags #3 hour meeting, #doesn't apply, #highly paid contractor, #oxygen to brains, #multimedia developer
Transcript
Ted: It looks like you're off to a three-hour staff meeting that doesn't apply to me. Ted: Im glad Im a highly paid contractor, I'll be increasing my skills while you fight to get oxygen to your brains. THREE HOURS LATER TED: I became a multimedia developer, How was your day?
Saturday October 29,
1994
Tags #hate finance guy, #rigid, #inflexible, #not team player, #extra napkin, #lunch room talk
Transcript
Dilbert: Have you started to hate the new finance guy yet? wally: yeah, Is tarted yesterday. Dilbert: He seems so rigid. Wally: Rigid and inflexible, Not a team player. Dilbert: Do you have an extra napkin? Wally: I won't really know until Im done.