Program Website Comic Strips - Page 9
161 Results for Program Website
View 81 - 90 results for program website comic strips. Discover the best "Program Website" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share April 12, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert says to Catbert, "I can't complete the online self-assessment survey. It asks where I need improvement and I don't need any." Dilbert continues, "The program won't let me leave that question blank." Catbert responds, "Just check the box that says you steal." Dilbert responds, "And people will understand that I don't mean it?" Catbert grins and says, "Sure."
Share June 09, 2002's comic on:
The Boss addresses a meeting, "The merger has been approved." The Boss continues, "Our evil director of human resources will blend the acquired company's benefits with our own." Alice, Dilbert, and Wally cry, "WAAA! WAAA! WAAA!" The Boss thinks, "Apparently they know what blending means." Catbert says to the other HR director, "Let's see... My company offers six months of maternity leave for mothers." The other HR director replies, "We treat 'em like smokers. They have to squat in the parking lot for 10 minutes then go back to work." Catbert says, "That's very evil.. We'll adopt your program." The other HR director responds, "Thanks." The Boss reads the new benefits plan. He asks, "What is 'draining?' Catbert responds, "Our company called it training."
Share July 04, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "You're the first employee for my 'Coffee with the Boss' program." The Boss continues, "Feel free to say whatever is on your mind. Don't hold back. Give it to me straight." Dilbert says, "My chair has a squeak." The Boss yells, "You ungrateful whiny wretch!!!"
Share November 28, 2002's comic on:
The Boss picks up a T-Shirt that says "Wow" and exclaims, "Each of you will get a shirt as part of my war on waste program!" Dilbert responds, "I wouldn't wear that shirt at home or in the office, so what good is..." Wally blows his nose loudly into a shirt, "Honk!" Dilbert says, "Oh. Nevermind."
Share March 18, 2003's comic on:
Headline: Marketing Genius. A business associate says to The Boss and Wally, "We designed a rebate program that won't cost a penny." The business associate continues, "The rebate process is an impenetrable fortress of unclear instructions and physical impossibilities. An elderly couple sits at a table reviewing bills. The man says, "Next time we have to find the hidden 300-digit serial number and write it in a box that's half an inch long." The woman replies, "Stinkin' weasels."
Share April 15, 2003's comic on:
Dilbert sits in The Boss' office. The Boss says, "A co-worker who shall remain nameless has accused you of unspecified shortcomings." The Boss continues, "Your accuser has been placed in the witness protection program." Dilbert asks, "You have a program for that?" The Boss replies, "Actually, I just forget who says what."
Share April 22, 2003's comic on:
Catbert says to Wally, "Wally, I'm sending you to a coffee rehab program." Wally exclaims, "Gaaa!!!" Catbert says, "They'll get you down to forty cups a day." Wally exclaims, "Not double digits!!!" Wally is escorted out. He yells, "You monster!!! I won't survive!!!" Catbert says, "If you're lucky."
Share April 25, 2003's comic on:
The speaker greets Wally, "Wally, congratulations on finishing the coffee rehab program." A cab is waiting for Wally. The speaker says, "Our recidivism rate isn't too hot. Our critics blame our location." Wally's cab is parked in front of Starbucks World Headquarters. A voice from inside the building asks, "Who's swimming in our vat?"
Share April 27, 2003's comic on:
The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program." The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot." The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice." The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry." The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles." The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups." The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too." Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?" The Boss replies, "Sure." A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?" Wally responds, "You're doing it."
Share July 07, 2003's comic on:
The Boss approaches Carol and says, "Carol, print out our company web site and put it in a binder for easier reference." Carol replies, "Okay, and I'll also translate it into Klingon to make it even easier." Carol continues, "And I'll alert the dictionary makers that 'easier' means 'stupider.'" The Boss responds, "Keep them out of this."