Routes Them Around Comic Strips - Page 9

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362 Results for Routes Them Around

View 81 - 90 results for routes them around comic strips. Discover the best "Routes Them Around" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no work, #invented code, #accounting systems, #mid 80s, #undocumented spaghetti logic, #holy grail, #technology

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Dilbert: "I've never seen you do any real work around here, Irv. How do you get away with it?" IRV: "I wrote the code for our accounting system back in the mid-eighties. It's a million lines of undocumented spaghetti logic." DILBERT: "It's the Holy Grail of technology!!" IRV: "You boys may find a little extra in your envelopes this month."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no ring, #dilbert asks liz, #date, #pizza date, #after game, #big ring, #eunuchs, #special van, #flop sweat, #kidding, #joke, #gullible, #likes gullible

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"Liz, I noticed you're not wearing a ring. Would you like to go for a pizza after the game?" "Oh, I do have a ring. It's so big I can't wear it. A team of eunuchs follows me around with it in a special van." "Flop-sweat time." "You're gullible. I like that."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employee, #new engineer, #sarcasm, #shows around, #telephone, #cubicle, #hallway, #every foot staep, #bad points, #office tour, #crazy, #bad conditions, #employement

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The Boss: "Laurie's our new engineer. Show her the ropes, Dilbert." "I meant figuratively." Dilbert: "This is your anti-productivity pod." "It's equipped with a little device that rings anytime you try to concentrate." "The top is open so none of the background noise is inadvertently muffled." "And you're on the main aisle, so you'll be haunted every minute by footsteps behind you. Step...step...step." The Boss: "We need to talk."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cranky, #discover religion, #physical until marriage, #unitarian, #liz, #dilbert serene, #dogbert talks liz

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"I don't understand something, Liz. You told Dilbert you don't want to be physical until after marriage..." "I would expect him to be cranky around the house, yet he's quite relaxed...serene. I don't see how...unless..." "Did you discover religion?" "I think I'm Unitarian."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #proposal, #alternatives, #lobby government, #tax breaks, #idiot run businesses, #quit job, #new career, #handing out towels, #cow chips, #bull shit

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The boss: Your proposal doesn't address the alternatives. Dilbert: There aren't any reasonable alternatives. The boss: There are always alternatives! Give me alternatives!! No wonder nothing gets done around here - not enough alternatives. typing: "we could lobby the government to give tax breaks to all idiot run businesses" "I could quit this stupid job and start a new career handing out towels at the gym" "Or we could use cow chips instead of microchips and save millions" The Boss: whats a cow chip? Dilbert: This job would be an example.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business process, #well designed porcess, #compensate, #apathy

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "As your consultant, I'll tell you how to improve your business processes." Dogbert continues, "I'll show you how a well-designed process can compensate for your sloth, apathy and all-around incompetence." Dogbert continues, "But most important: let's have fun."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #donuts, #contains memo, #fired, #termination notice, #humane, #ate the memo, #Wally, #3 donuts

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss hands around a box of donuts and says, "One of these donuts contains a memo which fires the recipient." The Boss continues, "This seemed like the most humane way to reduce headcount." As they walk out of the conference room, Dilbert says, "How was your donut?" Wally replies, "The first two were great. The third was papery."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #share accomplishments, #created dcoument, #desktop publishing, #two day class, #digitized photos, #color highlights, #multi column, #clip art, #icons, #visual mosaic, #add topic, #some content, #enjoy work

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let's go around the table and share our accomplishments." Dilbert says, "I created a document this week." Dilbert continues, "But THIS is no ordinary document!" Dilbert explains, "I bought a $500 desktop publishing program and took a two-day class to learn it." Dilbert continues, "I incorporated digitized photos and color highlights in a multi-column page layout!" Dilbert continues, "Clip-art icons are sprinkled liberally around the page to form a visual mosaic!" Dilbert continues, "Next week - God willing - I'll add a topic and some content." The Boss says, "Do you remember when I said you should enjoy your work? I didn't mean it." Dilbert says, "Ooh."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flicking fingers, #joyous celebration, #linked to pay, #success sounds like, #snappy sounds

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Dilbert, Alice and Wally stand in Ted's cubicle flicking their fingers. Dilbert says, "Look, Ted! We get paid the same as you but all we're doing is standing around and flicking our fingers." Dilbert continues, "Come join us and flick your fingers in joyous celebration that our performance is not linked to our pay." The Boss sits at his desk listening to the flicking and thinks, "I don't know what success sounds like, but I'll bet this isn't it."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paintball tournament, #next team building exercise, #easy sport, #employees unhappy

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I've decided that our next team-building exercise will be a paintball tournament." Alice, Wally and Dilbert think, "This is not a good thing." The Boss stands outside Dilbert's cubicle holding a paintball gun and wearing goggles. He peers around the doorway and thinks, "It's a deceptively easy sport."