Run By Attorney Comic Strips - Page 9
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181 Results for Run By Attorney
View 81 - 90 results for run by attorney comic strips. Discover the best "Run By Attorney" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday June 03,
2000
Tags #turn invisible, #run silent, #make descions, #can't see
Transcript
The Boss thinks to himself as Alice approaches, "If I could turn invisible, I wouldn't need to make decisions." The Boss continues to think, "Invisible...invisible...you can't see me." Alice says to the Boss, "I guess we're done." The Boss thinks to himself, "Run silent."
Monday April 02,
2001
Tags #401k, #run that far, #10k wheelchair race, #whip marks
Transcript
Catbert asks The Boss, "Why aren't you signed up for the 401K?" The Boss says to Catbert, "I'd never be able to run that far." The Boss says to Catbert, "I did a 10K wheelchair race once. The guy who pushed me still has whip marks."
Thursday November 01,
2001
Tags #evil director, #kitty litter, #resumes, #shredder
Transcript
Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert says to Asok, "We're almost out of kitty litter." Catbert continues, "Gather all the resumes we got this week and run them through the shredder." Asok asks, "Shouldn't we be matching these with our openings?" Catbert responds, "That's what we're doing."
Thursday March 14,
2002
Tags #medical mel, #needle, #four feet long, #pencil, #javelin champion, #bob short, #shiskabob
Transcript
Headline: Medical Mel. Dilbert hears Mel on the phone saying, "...the needle was four feet long and thick as a pencil." Mel's voice continues, "I tried to run but the doctor had been an Olympic javelin champion." Mel's voice continues, "My new nickname at the hospital is Bob - short for Shishkabob." Dilbert covers his ears.
Sunday May 05,
2002
Tags #socialize, #getting buy in, #dialoging for feedback, #building consensus, #temperature check, #straw man, #inoculate stakeholders, #letter from sa
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "You need to socialize your idea with the rest of the department." Dilbert replies, "Socialize? Is that the same as getting buy-in?" The Boss answers, "It's one step below buy-in. It's more like dialoging for feedback." Dilbert says, "Wait...I thought that building consensus was one step below buy- in." The Boss responds, "Just run it up a flagpole and see who salutes." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't it be better to do a temperature check using a straw man?" The Boss answers, "Maybe... But is that going to inoculate the stakeholders?" A letter from Scott Adams reads, "Dear Reader, If you or anyone you love understands the preceding conversation, you have my deepest sympathy." Signed, "S.A."
Tuesday October 29,
2002
Tags #dogebrt attorney, #best defense, #ignorant, #stock manipulation, #convince judge, #dumber than chocolate, #outdoor las vegas, #photo convention
Transcript
Headline: Dogbert the Attorney. Dogbert says to The Boss, "Your best defense is to say you were ignorant of your company's stock manipulation." Dogbert continues, "We need to convince a judge that you're dumber than chocolate pants at an outdoor Las Vegas photography convention." The Boss replies, "I don't get that." Dogbert says, "E-E-Excellent."
Friday November 01,
2002
Tags #dogcart attorney, #too late, #change, #punish client, #expect awkward silences, #next break
Transcript
Headline: Dogbert the Attorney. Dogbert raises his hand and says, "Your honor, is it too late to change sides?" Dogbert continues, "After hearing the evidence, I want to punish my client." After a pause, Dogbert asks, "No?" The Boss glares at Dogbert. Dogbert continues, "I expect some awkward silences during the next break."
Tuesday January 28,
2003
Tags #funding, #continuous harping, #expensive consultant, #analyze budget, #chaos, #complexity, #simulations
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "In response to your continuous harping about not having enough funding.." The Boss is joined by another man. The Boss continues, "I hired an expensive consultant to analyze your budget." The consultant says to Dilbert, "I'll have to run some chaos and complexity simulations, but it looks as if you need more money."
Sunday October 12,
2003
Tags #new version, #every feature, #current version, #leapfrog competition, #better products, #pile of crud
Transcript
The boss: "Hey, it's a customer!" The boss: "You're in luck; our next version has every feature you'll ever want!" Man: "It does?" "I was ready to buy your current version... but I guess I'll wait." The Boss: "When will our new version be ready?" Dilbert: "In a year." "The new version will leapfrog our competition." Man: "Leapfrog? That implies that they have better products right now." The Boss: "BUY OUR PRODUCT, YOU STINKIN' PILE OF CRUD!!" "SLAP!" "I have to run. Try not to blow the sale."
Tuesday October 14,
2003
Tags #hate people, #never allowed shoes, #Dogbert, #hows my walking, #dial, #1800
Transcript
"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."