Staving Competition Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

108 Results for Staving Competition

View 81 - 90 results for staving competition comic strips. Discover the best "Staving Competition" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Fits It All In One Slide

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Fits It All In One Slide - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #irrational, #demands, #managers, #powerpoint, #nonsense

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It took me a hours to figure out how to fit everything you wanted into one slide. Boss: That's great. Now add in some stuff about the budget, our risks, and all of our competition. And keep it all on one slide. Dilbert: Have you ever listened to the noise coming from your mouth?

Wally's Awesome Emails

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Awesome Emails - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #excuse, #competition, #accomplishment

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: This week I designed and built a prototype that can turn any kind of garbage into fuel. Boss: And Wally? Wally: I sent out some emails, but no one answered. Before you judge me, keep in mind that you don't know how awesome those emails were.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #capitalism, #big business, #competition, #benefit

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The company's goal is to make the world a better place. Dilbert: How does that square with our stated goal of destroying our competition? If we succeed, those people will be out of jobs. After we annihilate our competition, we can jack up our prices to monopoly levels and take advantage of our customers. Most of our profits go toward making the rich richer. We don't even pay taxes. Meanwhile, my co-workers and I will be living a life that has been stripped of all meaning. Is that what you had in mind by "Making the world a better place?" CEO: I didn't mean better for everyone.

Dogbert's Recommendations

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Recommendations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #consultant, #listening, #employees, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert Consults. Dogbert: I recommend doing all of the things your employees have been telling you to do. Boss: I don't see why I should pay you for this. Dogbert: Oh. Then how about doing all the things your competition is doing? Boss: Now, that's a great idea. Dogbert: Good, because that's what your employees have been telling you to do.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mentor, #mentorship, #competition, #honesty, #truth

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need some mentoring. Boss: This is awkward. On one hand, helping you would make me appear wise and generous. On the other hand, it would make you a more credible threat to take my job. I see you as more of an adversary than a subordinate. That's why I withhold vital information that you need to do your job. I've already said too much. Wally: Did you learn anything? Dilbert: Yes, unfortunately.

Ceo Sits On His Wallet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Sits On His Wallet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #perspective, #suffering, #competition

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I hate to complain, but it hurts when I sit on my wallet for too long. Asok: I risked an honor killing to pay my rent. CEO: This is why I hate to complain. Asok: I know a hundred ways to eat a spider.

Topper Signs Document

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Topper Signs Document - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #one-up, #best, #competition, #deception, #trick, #signature

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper. Dilbert: I once signed my entire first name to a document. Topper: That's nothing! Watch me sign my entire full name to that document! Dilbert: Sometimes you can be predictable. Topper: That's nothing! I don't even have free will!

Bought His Last Company

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bought His Last Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comparison, #comparing, #merger, #acquisition, #liquidation, #layoff, #redundancy, #big business, #competition, #darwin

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: That's now how we did it at my prior company. Boss: We bought your old company, fired all of the employees, and discontinued all of its products. Man: How is that possible? Boss: It's called "survival of the fittest." It's just science.

Employee Weight Loss Contest

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

Exploding Phones

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Exploding Phones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bomb, #cell phone, #samsung, #fire, #explosion, #competition, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We're getting bad press because the batteries in our new line of mobile phones keep exploding. Boss: Load them into a big truck and park it in front of our competitor's building. Dilbert: Technically, that would be domestic terrorism. Boss: There are way too many laws.