Systems Costs Comic Strips - Page 9

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128 Results for Systems Costs

View 81 - 90 results for systems costs comic strips. Discover the best "Systems Costs" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags albanian inflation, billion percent, fetid water, hyper inflation

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Elbonian inflation reaches a billion percent, daily An Elbonian says, "Is this enough for a small?" $ Fetid water! Another Elbonian says, "A minute ago, yes. Now it costs a hundred times more." The first Elbonian says, "Problem solved."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, office workers, legacy sytems, biggest rind, compost heap, bacteria

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The boss: How would you like to be in charge of legacy systems? Dilbert: That's like being the biggest rind in the compost heap. The boss: Do it anyways. Dilbert: I surrender to the bacteria.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, valuable, value, legacy system, less valuable, never appear less valuable, dress code troll

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Dilbert: I worry that being assigned to work on the legacy systems will make me appear less valuable in the future. Catbert: You have my word that you could never appear less valuable than you are now. Gilbert: Why do your assurances make me feel worse? Catbert: Your new dress code is "troll."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags eat, scare, Word, troll, dress code, cubicle, scaring vendors, word gets around

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Dilbert: I got reassigned to manage our legacy systems. The dress code is "troll." My cubicle is under the walkway. My side job is scaring vendors. Dogbert: Is that hard? Dilbert: Only the first day. After you eat one vendor, work gets around.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complain, garbage, job, trash, new assignment, troll in charge, legacy systems, shouldn't complain, economy, free bag of garbage, business

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Dilbert: My new assignment is "troll in charge of the legacy systems." I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm lucky to have a job in this economy. Garbageman: Would a free bag of garbage make you feel better? Dilbert: A little.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, business failures/bankruptcies, scapegoat, troll to scapegoat, goat costume, take balme, another deadline, slapping goat

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The boss: I'm promoting you from legacy systems troll to scapegoat. Your job is to dress in a goat costume and take the blame for all of our projects failing. Ted: We milled another deadline. All in favor of slapping the goat...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags walking, park, copyright, ownership, humor, Sports

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Dilbert says, "I lost an intellectual property case with my ex-employer. Now they own my name." Dilbert says, "It costs my five dollars every time I introduce myself." woman says, "I already forgot your name. What was it?" Dilbert says, "Can I tell you next month? I'm on a budget?" woman says, "Sure, if you think you can find me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags assignment, useless, questioning, ridiculous

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The boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to audit the software we have on our systems." Dilbert says, "Why?" The boss says, "So we know what we have." Dilbert says, "Who will use the information?" The boss says, "It's just important to have." DIlbert says, "It will be out of date before I'm even done." The boss says, "Do your best." Dilbert says, "The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up." The boss says, "I hope no one ever comes here to learn our best practices."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sitting, talking, vendor, pitching, idea, praying, agreeing, begging, promises, ridiculous

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Man says, "We have the best hidden costs of any vendor." Man says, "Our upgrade and maintenance fees won't kick in until you've already received a bonus for reducing costs." Man thinks, "Please, please, please be a sociopath." Wally says, "Sounds good. I'm not a big fan of our stockholders."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wdnw system, wally does no work, meeting, acronym, lazy, get coffee, business

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Wally says, "I need to spend the next year optimizing the WDNW system" Boss says, "I've never heard of the WDNW system." Wally says, "You only hear about the systems that have problems." Wally says, "If everything goes as planned, you'll never hear about WDNW again." Boss says, "What does the WDNW system do?" Wally says, "It keeps our zeros and ones from accidentally forming tens." Boss says, "That can happen?" Wally says, "Not on my watch." Dilbert says, "How's the 'Wally Does No Work' project?" Wally says, "The acronym helped."