Win Bet Comic Strips - Page 9

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157 Results for Win Bet

View 81 - 90 results for win bet comic strips. Discover the best "Win Bet" comics from Dilbert.com.

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"Your powers of cuteness are formidable indeed, but can you do..." "THIS?" "Oh crud. You win. Why do I even try?"

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Google Headquarters "Isn't it a little bit evil to kill Dilbert with our death ray?" "Good point...What if I just blast the space station out of orbit and make it land on his house?" "I'll bet you ten billion dollars you can't." "And the lower has to introduce himself as 'the dumb one.'"

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"Here's a game card that gives you a chance to win groceries." "No thanks. Just take a penny off my bill and we'll call it even." "Um...I can't do that." "Why not? Isn't that game card worth a penny?" "We don't have a procedure." "How's that my problem?" "Look, maybe you could eat something that's worth a penny and I'll look the other way." "How about a grape? I like grapes." "It would have to be one that's been on the floor." "It tasted like victory."

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"Did you fund the infrastructure project yet?" "Nope." "I'm playing budget chicken with the director of operations." "I'm hoping that his department needs the infrastructure more than we do." "If I can bluff him into funding the project with his budget instead of mine, I win." "He'll be reprimanded for exceeding his budget and I'll get a bonus for being under mine." "I'll use the bonus to buy a summer cabin by the lake." "Then I'll e-mail him pictures of my cabin and say, 'I hope you're enjoying your infrastructure as much as I'm enjoying my cabin!'" "You've reached a new low." "I've been thinking of firing you so I can get a fishing hat."

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Topper "My first baby weighed 11 pounds." "That's nothing." "I once passed a kidney stone that was the size of a small horse." "I find that hard to believe." "That kidney stone went on to win the Kentucky Derby!"

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"Dilbert, meet Albert. He's old, but I like to call him experienced." "I'm trying to win an award for being one of the best places to work if you have one foot in the grave." "I'm only 54. I ran a marathon yesterday." "I asked the cafeteria to stock up on food that's easy to gum."

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"Carol, you showed up for work almost every day this week. Here are some 'morale dollars'." "It's not real money, but you can redeem it for gifts and services that you don't want or need." "I also entered you into a raffle that you didn't win." HONK!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prepare proposal, #prodcuts, #expertise, #figure out, #expensive bidder, #bid low, #essential upgardes, #randomly assigned, #create lies, #proposal, #can't win

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The Boss: "Prepare a proposal for this customer." Dilbert: "Why me?" "You were walking by. I had it in my head." "We can't win this business. We don't have the right products or expertise." The Boss: "Just say we do. We'll figure it out later." Dilbert: "They know we don't. And we'd still be the most expensive bidder." The Boss: "Bid low. We'll make it up with change orders and unexpected essential upgrades." Dilbert: "In other words, I've been randomly assigned to create lies for a proposal we can't win for a service we can't perform." The Boss: "You make competing sound bad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #changes, #pension plan, #company wide, #email, #read email, #compulsion, #details, #engineers, #brain, #best meeting, #humiliate boss, #called out

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The Boss: "I called this meeting to discuss the changes to the pension plan." Alice: "We already saw the company-wide e-mail about the changes." Dilbert: "And we're all engineers, so we understand the details better than you do." Alice: "I'll bet you intend to waste our time by reading the e-mail to us." ask: "You can't stop yourself. it's some sort of compulsion." Alice: "If you read that e-mail, it's proof that something is wrong with your brain." The Boss: "Can't...resist...reading...e-mail." "GAAA!!!" Alice & Dilbert: "Best meeting ever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failed to accomplish.objectives, #physical impossiblities, #logical impossibilities, #unforeseen problems, #spying, #consumer fraud, #win converstaion

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The Boss says, "Why have you failed to accomplish any of your objectives this quarter?" Dilbert says, "Well, I took the objectives you gave me and put them into three categories." Dilbert says, "The first group includes physical impossibilities, such as being in two places at the same time." Dilbert says, "The second group includes logical impossibilities, such as anticipating unforeseen problems." Dilbert says, "Last, we have the illegal objectives, including industrial spying and consumer fraud." Dilbert says, "So I spend my time doing things that are both important and legal, while hoping you wouldn't fire me for it." Dilbert says, "Whoa, what just happened? Is it my imagination, or did I just win this conversation?" Dilbert says, "It was my imagination."