Wish Hard Comic Strips - Page 9

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376 Results for Wish Hard

View 81 - 90 results for wish hard comic strips. Discover the best "Wish Hard" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #layoff list, #Wally, #claimed chair, #few minutes ago, #hard on survivors

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Ted says to Wally, "I hear you're on the layoff list, Wally. Has anyone claimed your chair yet?" A man says, "I claimed it a few minutes ago." Ted yells, "Liar!" As the two men fight, Wally says, "I guess it's true what they say about layoffs being hard on the survivors."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #two day workshop, #mission, #vision, #useless jargon, #illiterate execustives, #mind numbing, #job security, #ethical behavior, #better idea, #high marks, #class evalutaion

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A man says, "In this two day workshop, you will learn to embrace our company's mission and vision." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in the audience. The man continues, "At first glance it will appear to be a bunch of useless jargon created by functionally illiterate executives." The man continues, "But after we do some mind-numbing group exercises . . ." The man continues, ". . . You'll forget that you're underpaid and you have no job security." The man turns to an easel and says, "We'll begin by writing down all the things that 'ethical behavior' means to you." Alice says, "I've got a better idea: if you let us leave now, we'll give you high marks on the class evaluation." The man stands at the front of the room thinking. Wally hands the man his evaluation and says, "Good job. You touched me." The man replies, "You wish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #both dead, #doing nothing, #hundred years, #spread joy, #whats funny, #working hard, #ratbert, #Dilbert

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Ratbert walks across Dilbert's desk and says, "You know what's funny? I'll tell you." Ratbert continues, "You're working hard. I'm doing nothing. In a hundred years we'll both be dead." Dilbert says angrily, "You might not need to wait that long." Ratbert says as he walks away, "I think I'll spread some joy over this way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decided, #start smoking, #add interesting edge, #personality, #need help, #personal magnetism, #erase hard drive, #psychology

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Wally tells Alice, "I've decided to start smoking. I'll be able to take more breaks that way." Wally continues, "And frankly, I'm hoping it will add an interesting edge to my personality and help me socially." Alice reaches into a box. Wally continues, "Not that I need any help." Alice says, "I can only pray that your personal magnetism won't erase my hard drive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ratbert, #corporate trainer, #class, #sharing segment, #grim downsizer

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Ratbert stands on a chair and says, "Let's go around the room and say who we are and what we hope to get out of the class." The Grim Reaper, Wally, a man and a woman sit at a conference table. The Grim Reaper says, "I'm the Grim Downsizer. I'm here to decruit the entire training department plus all of the people who have time to attend classes." Wally says, "My name is Dilbert. I'm here in place of Wally who is working hard to build a better tomorrow." The man next to Wally says, "I'm somebody else too." The Grim Reaper says, "Nice try."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfromance review, #napping, #key board face, #qwertytis, #working hard

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Wally says to Dilbert, "Wish me luck. I'm off to get my performance review." Dilbert says, "Have you been napping? You've got a bad case of keyboard face." Wally has several indentations on his cheek. The Boss asks Wally, "What's wrong with your face?" Wally replies, "I have Qwertytis. It's from working too hard."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #more work, #feeling unappreciated, #hard working employee, #hourly basis

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Dilbert and Wally stand in front of the coffee machine. Wally says, "The more work I do, the more I'm given." Wally continues, "It doesn't pay to be a talented and hard-working employee." Dilbert asks, "How's it pay to be YOU?" Wally replies, "Not bad on an hourly basis."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boredom, #conference room, #dead emplyee, #employee of the week, #headcount down

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The Boss carries a dead body over his shoulder. He tells Dilbert, "I found another dead employee in the conference room." Dilbert looks shocked. The Boss continues, "I don't know what got him - the boredom or the hard work. But headcount is down one and the company has life insurance on him!" The Boss thinks, "It looks like I found my 'Employee of the Week.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business plan, #disarray, #three hour lunch, #turn around, #distinguish, #dedication, #insanity

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Wally stands behind Alice's desk and says, "Alice, our business plan is in complete disarray so we're taking a three-hour lunch. Want to join us?" Alice replies, "No, I've got to work harder than ever to turn this situation around!" Wally and Dilbert put their coats on and leave. Wally tells Dilbert, "Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between dedication and insanity." Dilbert asks, "Which one are we?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sign agreement, #5 year after, #Wally, #doesn't work anyway, #boss, #contract

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Wally reads a contract and asks, "You want me to sign an agreement that I won't work for a competitor for five years if I leave here?" The Boss hands him a pen. Wally says, "No problem. Here you go." The Boss thinks, "This is too easy." Wally sits at his desk and thinks, "I haven't done any work HERE for five years, so how hard could it be?" A computer prompt asks, "New game?"