Worked Evenings Comic Strips - Page 9
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I worked on my own time to invent a room-temperature superconductor that could eliminate our need for oil. "You were supposed to be finding a new vendor for toner cartridges. What happened to that?" "Must...not use...telekinesis..." "Why does my necktie seem so...ERK!!!"
"Every project you worked on this year got canceled after the reorganization." "It's as if you didn't even exist." "That's not entirely true." "For example, I occupied space." "I'd like to see someone who doesn't exist do that." "A dead person can occupy space." "But a dead person exists." "I won the argument, but it was a hollow victory."
Dilbert: I worked all night to finish the assignments on time. The Boss: Toss it on the pile. Dilbert: I'd feel better if you used a different choice of words." The Boss: Plop it on the top.
The Boss says, "Wally, where do you think you're going?" The Boss says, "It's only four o'clock." Wally says, "What a strange thing to say. Did anyone care how many hours a week Beethoven worked?" Wally says, Genius can't be scheduled." Wally says, "Judge my by my accomplishments, not the number of hours I spend at the office." The Boss says, "Okay, fine. What did you accomplish today?" Wally says, "I just taught you how to be a better manager." Wally says, "What? Did you think it was going to happen on its own?"
Asok says, "I worked around the clock and finished a project that would normally require ten programmers." Asok says, "Um... did I just establish a new baseline expectation that will turn my job into a tragic death march?" The Boss says, "It's time to set some stretch goals." Asok says, "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"
The boss: We need to be twice as smart to survive this economy. Dilbert: Good plan. I look forward to spontaneously developing an I.Q. of 400. The boss: This pep talk totally worked in marketing. Dilbert: Will I be able to see the future?