Year 2000 Problem Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for year 2000 problem comic strips. Discover the best "Year 2000 Problem" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #head of market research, #120k salary, #value opinions, #refrence, #honesty, #pay these days

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"I got a job as the head of market research at your company. I'll be pulling down $120 K per year." "I don't value otehr people's opinions so I'll just use my own." "Just for reference, how much does honesty pay these days?" "Shut up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tough year, #special team, #much smaller team

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"This will be a tough year for the company." "It will take a special kind of team to get by." "Go team!" "Team! Team!" "Yes!" "Specifically, it will take a much smaller team."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer service, #downsize, #improve service

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The Boss: Our two goals this year are to downsize and to improve customer service. Dilbert: question: how can you improve service if you're getting rid f service people? The Boss: who do you think is screwing up the customer service? duh...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boot camp, #conquer the earth, #genetic mutations, #half man, #sea monkeys, #half cucumber

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"What are you planting?" "I'm growing an army of genetic mutants to do my bidding." "Half man, half giant cucumber, these unthinking brutes will help me conquer the Earth!" "Didn't you try this with sea monkeys last year?" "None of them survived boot camp."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales, #two years, #sudden surge, #business case apporved, #get promoted, #accountability, #business

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Ted: I predict sales to be nothing for two years and then take a sudden surge. Dilbert: Why? Ted: The surge was added so I could get the business case approved. The two -year lag gives me time to get promoted. Dilbert: What about accountability? Dilbert: thats where you come in.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #2004, #cheaper than dating, #date at door, #Dogbert, #future, #holodeck, #virtual reality, #writing article, #money, #male hormones

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Dogbert: "I can predict the future by assuming that money and male hormones are the driving forces for new technology." "Therefore, when virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed." "Year 2004" Date: "Is Dilbert available?" DOgbert: "He's been in the holodeck since March."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert ethics advisor, #prodcut, #mail people, #high fees, #procedure, #ethics advice, #return stupid prodcut

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"Dogbert: Ethics Advisor" "We mail our product to people and tell them it's free for one year." "Then we start nailing them with high fees because they'll forget the procedure for returning the product. They're trapped." "So, did you have some ethics advice?" "No. I asked you here so I can return your stupid product."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jar, #soul of mail boy, #shake hold to light, #bargaining table, #union rights, #negotiating

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Dilbert: Whats in the jar? The Boss: Its the soul of the Willy Mail Boy. If you shake it real hard and hold it up to the light you can see it. Dilbert: The union didn't do to well at the old bargaining table this year. willy: These aren't our glory years.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product development process, #buy in, #managers, #happy if dead, #executive oversight, #issues, #blind, #looked at bulb

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The Boss points to a diagram and says, "Problem: our product development process requires buy-in from managers who'd be happier if we all died." As he puts a new transparency on the overhead projector, the Boss says, "My solution is to create executive oversight groups who don't understand the issues and don't have time to meet." Wally and Dilbert watch as the Boss looks into the light and yells, "I'm . . . I'm blind!" Dilbert says, "You looked directly at the bulb again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee survey, #no startegy, #quality team, #root cause, #employees are ninnies, #more stock options

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The employee survey showed that 95% of the company believes we have no consistent strategy." The Boss continues, "So the executives formed a 'quality team' to determine the root cause of the problem." A man points to a chart and says to three people seated at a table, "We've narrowed it down to either 'employees are ninnies' or 'we deserve more stock options.'"