Alice: Our product pipeline looks dismal.
Boss: It's always darkest before the dawn.
Alice: You're comparing product development to the solar system. I don't know what to do with that.
Boss: What would Jesus do?
Alice: Do me a favor and never put me on a project with people over the age of forty. They waste the first fifteen minutes of every meeting talking about their health problems.
Boss: Did you say something? I can't hear you over my tinnitus.
Dilbert: I've developed a super-efficient device that scrubs CO2 out of the air. But the user has to remember to turn it off after a few days or else it will remove too much CO2 and destroy all life on Earth.
Man: Hey, who left this thing unplugged?
Alice: Today I saw a kid on a hoverboard using a smartphone with headphones. It was like a creepy new species that is half-human and half-robot.
Robot: That's my son. He's a cyborg.
Alice: I'll report myself to human resources.
Ted: As you can see from this chart, our product has been rated number one for six years in a row.
Dilbert: Why does your chart stop four years ago?
Ted: I'll bet you don't get invited to a lot of parties.
Dilbert: That's just a lucky guess.
Alice: My job is 2% work and 98% getting interrupted. I can't focus long enough to finish anything.
Dilbert: Are you done? I'm trying to work.
Alice: You're a bad listener.
Alice: Your so-called breakthrough in artificial intelligence is a fraud. I talked to it for an hour, and everything it said was stupid. Wait...that's the same as using Twitter.
Dilbert: Is it too soon to call me a genius?
Dilbert: I've created the first artificial intelligence that is as smart as a human being. The breakthrough came when I replaced its logic code with conspiracy theories, lies, emotional outbursts, and overconfidence.
Asok: You have created an abomination.
Robot: I find it curious that you take sides with the chem trails.
Boss: The rumors of a major layoff are completely untrue.
Dilbert: Why did the facilities management people just deliver a huge load of cardboard boxes to the break room?
Boss: You can never have too many boxes.
Dilbert: Why does every box have an employee name on it?
Alice: I can't work with old Ned. He's a sexist, racist, bigoted troglodyte.
Catbert: Name-calling is not allowed in this company. I sentence you to three weeks of mandatory training.
Alice: I could trangle you with your own tail.
Catbert: Six weeks!
