Catbert Comic Strips - Page 9
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655 Results for Catbert
View 81 - 90 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday May 11,
2016
Company Policy About Dating
Tags dating, relationships, office romance, policy, legal issues, human resources, business
Transcript
Catbert: Rumor has it that you are dating a co-worker named Loud Howard. Company policy requires you to register your lustful feelings with our legal department. Lawyer: Okay, I think we have you covered, but the stapling phase will sting a little.
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Saturday April 30,
2016
Dilbert Is Antisocial
Tags antisocial, misanthropy, introvert, communication, relationships
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: People are complaining that you're antisocial. Dilbert: I only dislike the people I get to know. Catbert: Then why do you get to know them? Dilbert: It happens by accident when they talk.
Sunday April 10,
2016
Tags communication, managers, training, obstacle, laziness
Transcript
Dilbert: Can I take a class to improve my communication skills? Boss: What are you talking about? Dilbert: I want to take a class that teaches me how to communicate better. Boss: I don't understand what you're asking me. Dilbert: I am asking permission to take a class to help me communicate better. Boss: I see your lips moving but I can't figure out what you're asking. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! There's no way to get there from here! Boss: I'm glad I took that management class on how to not listen. It already paid off.
Wednesday April 06,
2016
Ted Has A Ravine Option
Tags cruelty, empathy, hr, human resources, mean, guest artist, brenna thummler, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Ted: Dilbert said he wants me to drive into a ravine. Catbert: I want that too. I didn't realize it was an option. Ted: Perhaps I have come tot he wrong place. Catbert: I hear good things about the ravine.
Tuesday March 08,
2016
Try Not Being Boring
Tags motivation, inspiration, frustration, bored, boring, powerpoint, meeting, obliviousness, eric scott, business
Transcript
CEO: I don't think my motivational messages are getting through to the employees. I can't make them pay attention to anything. Catbert: Have you tried not being boring? CEO: Good idea. I'll make fifty slides of pure excitement.
Wednesday March 02,
2016
False Sense Of Urgency
Tags guest artist, managers, motivation, personality disorder, sociopath, strategy, john glynn
Transcript
Boss: I don't think I'm doing enough to create a false sense of urgency. Catbert: Are you still a sociopath? Boss: That's the easy part. Catbert: Now add a meaningless deadline and some fear.
Friday February 19,
2016
Catbert Will Not Help Children
Tags reasoning, judgment, company policy, rules, regulations, rigid, stringent, inflexible
Transcript
Dilbert: Can you give me Carol's home address? I agreed to watch her kids and she turned off her phone for her date night. Catbert: It is against company policy for me to use my good judgment to save children. Dilbert: Are you sure it says that? Catbert: Yes. I wrote it myself.
Wednesday February 10,
2016
New Company Mascot
Tags hunchback, posture, transformation, health, body
Transcript
Catbert: I hear you're undergoing an identity transition. Dilbert: No, I just have bad posture from looking at a screen all day. I'm not literally turning into Quasimodo. Catbert: That's too bad, because we need a new mascot for the company and you would be perfect.
Tuesday January 05,
2016
After Work Activities
Tags misogyny, sexism, camaraderie, personality, complaining, psychology
Transcript
Alice: The men never invite me to after-work activities. Catbert: We'll need to find out if the problem is sexism or your personality.Alice: I decided not to dig into it. Boss: I think you'll be happy with your decision.
Tuesday November 17,
2015
Give Up On Making Them Happy
Tags happiness, deception, perspective, work, office, marriage, psychology, relationships
Transcript
Boss: I'm giving up on trying to keep them happy. My new plan is to tell them things are worse everywhere else. Catbert: Will that work? Boss: It worked on my wife.


