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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2013's comic on:

Tags #angel, #fix things, #granted wishes, #know it all, #needy, #questions, #things gone wrong, #workers, #angel of competence

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Angel: I am the angel of competence. I have come to mark you as an engineer turn around, Dilbert: So, its like an honor? Angel: Sure, if that makes you feel better. The Boss: Can you show me how to set ups my wireless router at home? Tina: My phone keeps freezing up, can you look at it? Ted: How long should I barbecue trick-tip? Man: The pilot lightly on my water heater is out, How do you fix cracks in a driveway? what exactly does iCloud do? GAAA!!! Dilbert: I need to talk to the angel of competence have you seen him? Wally: He died in my cubicle, Thats all Im saying.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2013's comic on:

Tags #models, #out of stiock, #credibility, #bait and switch, #tactics, #sales, #technology, #computer, #tablets, #business

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Our model XR35 is the only one that will work in your situation. The other models would be nightmares. Dilbert: Okay, we'll take the XR35. Ted: Opps it appears we are out of stock. Dilbert: This is the part where your credibility comes into question. Ted: Have you looked at ethics's XP9? I think it would be perfect.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2012's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #mergers & acquisitions, #redendancy, #hard work, #fired, #card board boxes

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Boss: Ted, the merger has made your job redundant. As a reward for your years of hard work, feel free to use one of our cardboard boxes to get your junk out of here. Uh-oh. It looks like we forgot to hide the good boxes.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2012's comic on:

Tags #employees, #improvement plan, #90 day, #individual honor, #valuable service, #polite, #thanks, #business

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Ted: Guess who made it onto the generic ninety-day improvement plan. I don't think of it as an individual honor. I think of it as doing a valuable service for the team. Dilbert: Should we thank him? Wally: Are we polite now?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2012's comic on:

Tags #work ethic, #90 day performance plan, #low ambitions

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Boss: Ted, I'm putting you on a ninety-day performance improvement play. Ted: Yes!!! I've always dreamed of making it onto the performance improvement plan! Boss: It's not as good as it sounds. Ted: With all due respect, you don't know how low my ambitions are.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2012's comic on:

Tags #venture capitalist, #other board members, #10 million

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Dogbert: Venture capitalists gave us $10 million, but I had to agree to put one ion them on board. TED: Should I be worried that your other board members have a combined I.Q of about 70? Dogbert: They weren't dumb enough to give me $10 million dollars. alligator: Burn!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2012's comic on:

Tags #computers & peripherals, #tupac video, #holgram, #data cloud, #economical

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Catbert: Ted, have you seen the Tupac video where he performs as a hologram? We've decided to do the same thing with all of our employees. We're going to move your data to the cloud. Ted: Tupac is dead. Catbert: I think you mean economical.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2012's comic on:

Tags #viruses, #piranha flu, #sneezes, #bad allergies

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Carol: I've got a wicked case of piranha flu. Ted: I've never heard of... Carol: Ahchooo!!! I should probably tell people I just have bad allergies.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2012's comic on:

Tags #golf, #video games, #pebble beach, #xbox, #full spectrum, #lamp, #fresh air, #house, #windows, #played golf, #coffee, #Sports, #Entertainment

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Co-worker: I played golf at Pebble Beach over the weekend. Dilbert: I played that course on Xbox. Co-worker: That's totally different. Dilbert: I used a full spectrum lamp to simulate sunlight. Co-worker: I got fresh air! Dilbert: You should get a house that has windows. They're terrific.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2012's comic on:

Tags #annoyance, #roboshark, #cubicle distance, #12 feet, #territorial waters, #robot, #scare tactics

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Alice: Stop using the aisle behind my cubicle. It's distracting. Everything within twelve feet of my cubicle are my territorial waters. Ted: You can't enforce that. Alice: Tell that to my roboshark.