Against Company Policy Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Against Company Policy

View 81 - 90 results for against company policy comic strips. Discover the best "Against Company Policy" comics from Dilbert.com.

Haircut On Company Times

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Haircut On Company Times - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hair, #haircut, #time, #break

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, do you have a minute? Wally: No. I have to get a haircut. Boss: You can't get a haircut on company time. Wally: I'm only cutting the hairs that grew on company time. Boss: How do you know which ones grew on company time? Wally: It's always hairs three and five.

Dating A Coworker

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dating A Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #relationships, #office policy, #rules, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can I date a co-worker? Catbert: I doubt it. You're not attractive, funny, or rich. Dilbert: I mean, is it allowed under company rules? Catbert: We only have rules about things that might happen.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deceit, #contract, #cost, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Here's my invoice for the extras. Dilbert: The invoice we already paid covered everything in the contract. Man: That only covered the costs I quoted with intentional clarity. There are other costs that I might have mentioned in the long and rambling explanation that was intentionally ambiguous. Dilbert: "Might have??" I'm sure you did not. Man: Sounds like your word against mine. Dilbert: And even if you did mention it, you just said it was intentionally ambiguous!!! Man: I don't think you want to tell your boss you're a bad listener. Boss: I thought we already paid this vendor. Dilbert: Did you forget all the extras I told you about?

Your Word Against Everyone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Your Word Against Everyone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accusation, #assume, #assumption, #Opinion

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Everyone says you hate the new product test plan. Dilbert: No, I like it. Boss: Pffft. I don't think all of those people can be wrong about what you think. Dilbert: I'm kind of an expert on what I think. Boss: I guess it's just your word against everyone.

How Dare You

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Dare You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #offended, #offense, #accusation, #strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My new defense against every accusation is to be offended by the question. Dilbert: That works? Wally: Depends how hard I sell it. Woman: Why haven't you returned any of my emails? Wally: How dare you!

Changing Company Name

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Changing Company Name - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hacker, #hacking, #privacy, #facebook, #retaliation, #data, #breach

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our customers are complaining because we let hackers get their personal data. So we've decided to change the name of the company and wear disguises until it all blows over. Take a mustache from the bag and pass it around.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insurance, #humiliation, #death, #scam, #darwin awards, #spin, #headline, #media, #Entertainment, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Would you like to buy an insurance policy to protect against a humorous death? Boss: Why would I need it? Dogbert: well, let's say you're at the zoo and you drop your sunglasses into the lion pit. You lower yourself into the pit to get the sunglasses, but the lions get to you first. You don't want the headlines to read "Pointy-haired Idiot Mauled To Death By The King Of The Jungle." So instead, the moment you die, my agents rush in to create a narrative for the media. In this case, we might spin the story as "Local Man Teaches Zoo How To Reduce Food Costs." Boss: Are the policies affordable? Dogbert: Yes, if you waive the coverage for mascot-related deaths.

Tracking Employee Theft

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tracking Employee Theft - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #data, #information, #spying, #privacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.

Finding Alice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Finding Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #data, #spying, #location, #privacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Does anyone know where Alice is? Dilbert: Yes. The CIA, Google, Facebook, Apple, and Russian hackers know where she is. Boss: But we have no way to find her? Dilbert: Depends. Was she dumb enough to download our company app?

Terrible Personality

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Terrible Personality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring, #company culture, #personality, #engineers, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.