Bad Decision Maker Comic Strips - Page 9

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772 Results for Bad Decision Maker

View 81 - 90 results for bad decision maker comic strips. Discover the best "Bad Decision Maker" comics from Dilbert.com.

Worried About Dilbert's Mental Health

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Worried About Dilbert's Mental Health - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asoks health, #boss worried, #brilliant ideas, #misunderstand, #too dumb, #dilbert's mental health, #called into question

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The Boss: Im worried about DIlberts mental health because his ideas are so bad. Asok: How did you rule out the hypothesis that his ideas are brilliant but you're too dumb to understand them? The Boss: Now Im worried about Asok's mental health too.

Fake Email From The Ceo

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Fake Email From The Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #virus, #infection, #malware, #technology, #typo, #literacy

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Dilbert: I can't delete the Elbonian virus in our network. It keeps replicating. Holy carp! It created a fake email full of typos and bad ideas and sent it out from our CEO's account! Wait, no. That's actually from our CEO. Wally: Maybe the virus can fix him.

Wally Is A Maverick

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Wally Is A Maverick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health, #standing desks, #standing, #sitting, #laziness

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Wally: I like to think of myself as a maverick. Let the trendy people brag about their standing desks. I haven't stood in a week. Dilbert: I have some bad news about your health risks. Wally: Should I sit down to hear it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices

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Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

Explaining Block Chain To Marketing

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Explaining Block Chain To Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jargon, #explanation, #teaching, #language, #education

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Alice: This would be a perfect application for blockchain. Man: I'm in marketing. Can you explain that in terms I can understand? Alice: I kinda doubt it. Man: Because your a bad explainer, right?

Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating

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Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #trick, #deception

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Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor, #conjecture, #karma, #payback

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Boss: I heard that you think I'm making the wrong decision with our technology roadmap. Dilbert: I never said that. Boss: I heard you did. Dilbert: Who told you that? Boss: I promised I wouldn't reveal my source. Dilbert: It never happened. Boss: That's not what I hear. Dilbert: Will the fate of my entire career depend on that rumor? Boss: It already does. Dilbert: Do you ever worry about karma? Boss: Get back to work. Narrator: One hour later. CEO: I hear you're embezzling like crazy. Boss: Who told you that?

Engineer With No Soul

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Engineer With No Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #motivation, #cruelty, #abuse

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Boss: I hired an engineer who has no soul. This way, I won't feel so bad when I motivate him with emotional abuse. Dilbert: You're joking, right? Boss: Ha! You're right. I never feel bad about stuff.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thundershirt, #stress, #prank, #practical joke

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Wally: You look stressed. Asok: I am. How do you drink so much coffee and stay so calm? Wally: It's easy. I wear a "Thundershirt" under my work clothes. It was designed to make dogs feel safe during thunderstorms. When I saw the commercial for it on TV, I wondered what else it could do, so I bought one. I haven't had a bad day at work since then. Narrator: One week later. Asok: Feeling good! Best day of work ever! Dilbert: Did you convince a co-worker to wear pet clothes? Wally: That's how I reduce my stress.

Bad At Your Job

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Bad At Your Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #instructions, #directions, #insubordinate

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Ted: Your code doesn't conform to my architectural guidelines. Dilbert: That's because you're bad at your job and I'm good at mine. Ted: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: Maybe you could ask someone who knows how to do your job.