Big Charis Comic Strips - Page 9

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323 Results for Big Charis

View 81 - 90 results for big charis comic strips. Discover the best "Big Charis" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fear, #change is good, #don't fear change, #sickness and death, #alarming symptoms

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Boss: Do not fear change because change is good. Dilbert: Actually, studies show that any big changes in a person's life vastly increase the odds of sickness and death. Wally: Are you trying to kill us? Dilbert: I can't feel my arm!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #actionable anlytics, #big data, #new jargon, #accelrate, #business

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Boss: Do we have any actionable analytics from our big data in the cloud? Dilbert: Yes, the data shows that my productivity plunges whenever you learn new jargon. Boss: Maybe in-memory computing will accelerate your applications. Dilbert: Plunge, plunge, plunge.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #worms, #bad apple, #ruining everyone, #walk it off, #contagious

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Dilbert: The bad apple you hired is ruining the rest of us. Boss: Just walk it off, you big baby. I want solutions, not problems. Ouch! Stupid bad apple! Dilbert: Walk it off.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #candy, #children, #engineers, #big companies, #good engineering, #skulk around schoolyards, #nerdy loners, #offer candy, #Family

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Boss: The big companies are hiring all of the good engineering students as soon as they graduate. We need to start earlier. I want you to skulk around school yards and try to form relationships with kids who are nerdy loners. Offer them candy. Kids love candy. Dilbert: I don't see how this plan could go wrong.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #joking, #paperback, #spend free time, #fan of clutter

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Coworker: It was a great book. I'll loan you the paperback. Dilbert: Thanks. I love it when other people decide how I'll spend my free time. Coworker: I can't tell when you're kidding. Dilbert: Paperbacks are awesome. I'm a big fan of clutter.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #tailored style, #each employee, #pool cue, #leadership is guessing, #business

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Boss: A good manager tailors his leadership style to fit each employee. In your case, I think the best approach involves poling you with a sharpened pool cue. To be perfectly honest, a big part of leadership is guessing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #executives, #profits down, #increased compensation, #incentive, #feel underpaid

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CEO: Profits are way down, but don't worry your little heads about it. The board increased my annual compensation to $60 million. Now I finally have an incentive to do a good job! Un-oh. I'd better hurry because I'm already starting to feel underpaid again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bankruptcy, #big data, #bytes of data, #cloud, #consulatants, #evil, #evil company, #greed, #money bag, #pray to money, #servers

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Boss: Consultants say three quintillion bytes of data are created every day. It comes from everywhere. It knows all. According to the book of Wikipedia, it's name is "Big Data." Big Data lives in the cloud. It knows what we do. In the past, our company did many evil things. But if we accept Big Data in our servers, we will be saved from bankruptcy. Let us pay. Alice: Is it too late to side with evil? Dilbert: Shhh! It hears you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #browser history, #business ethics, #engineer, #engineering, #padded resume, #puppets, #technically, #rumor

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CEO: I'd like to address the rumor that I padded my resume. In the strictest sense of the word, I am not technically an "engineer" per se. But to put this in perspective, even The Pope hides his browser history. It's no big deal.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #monkeys, #big picture, #motivated, #monkey, #assignment, #eating banana, #imitating monkey, #animals

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Dilbert: I would feel more motivated if I knew how my assignment fits into the big picture. Boss: You don't need to be motivated. A monkey could do your assignment while eating a banana. Like this. Ooh-ooh-ooh! Dilbert: I think we're moving in the wrong direction.