Ceo Two Days Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Ceo Two Days

View 81 - 90 results for ceo two days comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo Two Days" comics from Dilbert.com.

Two People Named Tina

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Two People Named Tina  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nickname, #name, #insult, #name-calling

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We have two people named Tina at this meeting. To avoid any confusion, I will be assigning them nicknames. Carol: Who did that to you? Boss: Big Tina.

Do Not Implicate Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Do Not Implicate Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sick, #sickness, #illness, #contagious, #deadline, #responsibility, #accountability, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My project is two weeks late because you came to work two weeks ago and gave me the flu. Boss: Do you have any excuses that don't implicate me as the main problem? Dilbert: How about I say I didn't feel motivated and leave it otherwise vague? Boss: I can work with that.

Boss Comes To Work Sick

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Comes To Work Sick  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sick, #sickness, #illness, #contagious, #sick days, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.

Our Api

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Our Api - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hackers, #hacking, #api, #jargon, #obliviousness, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: Dogbert The Reporter. Dogbert: How did hackers get access to your customer data? CEO: I'm told they used something called "our A.P.I." to suck out all the data. Dogbert: I'll just say you'er stupid. CEO: Why does everyone always say that?

Aggressive Littering

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Aggressive Littering - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guilt, #plea, #charges, #littering, #murder, #rich people, #discrimination

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.

Value Of An Employee's Life

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Value Of An Employee's Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!

The Extra 10%

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Extra 10%  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #excuses, #effort, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our project can only succeed if each of us gives 110 percent. Voice 1: I'm off next week. Voice 2: I have surgery on Monday. Voice 3: I gave my two-week notice a week ago. Boss: Okay, can I get a 50 percent effort from any of you? Wally: I can only give you the extra 10 percent you believe exists.

Hot And Cold In The Office

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hot And Cold In The Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #temperature, #thermostat, #disagreement, #hot, #cold

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so cold my hands turned into blocks of ice. Dilbert: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so hot I can't concentrate. Boss: Are the two of you the same species? Dilbert: That's a gray area because it would be impossible for us to mate.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sociopath, #obliviousness, #tell-all

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: There's a new tell-all book about our company. CEO: How bad is it? Dilbert: It's bad. Anonymous sources within the company say you're a "raging sociopath with the intellect of a clam." CEO: Put out a press release denying those lies! Dilbert: That's going to be tricky to write. CEO: Just say I deny being a sociopath with the mind of a clam. Also say I hope whoever said that about me dies a slow and terrible death. Is that clear? Dilbert: Yes, on many levels.

Two Hour Summary

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Two Hour Summary - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #language, #jargon, #listening, #communication, #interpretation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Thank you for that two-hour summary of your project. I didn't understand any of the jargon you used, but based on the context, I believe you are saying the software will be done soon. Alice: I didn't say anything about software. Boss: I guess neither of us did our best work today.